Thank you! Thank you!
It's great to be back in this city where I am. I tell you, the thing I love about this place, and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone, is that I can mention a local landmark or stereotype and make everyone in this audience cheer.
Anyway, did you hear about this thing in the news concerning the President of the United States? Wow, huh? I mean, I'd hate to be in his shoes. Not only does he have to deal with cheap jokes at his political integrity, but I'm pretty sure his frigid wife won't want to have anything to do with him in bed!
Personally, I'm going to say something about the President that will get a cheer from the crowd depending on regional beliefs. Am I right? Can I get an amen?
Speaking of the news, I was reading the paper the other day, and saw something that I realized Bill Hicks or Lenny Bruce said, but they're dead and won't mind if I update it to the current situation to milk their legacy for the best laugh I've ever received.
Speaking of sex, I have a hard time with women. Honestly. Chicks hate me. I was on a date a few months ago that was so bad, I can't even get a date anymore! Women hate me so much, they do something someone would do to Rodney Dangerfield!
So I'm from some region of the United States that has a heavy stereotype, and let me tell ya something: everything you've heard is true. Our stereotypes are so true, I'm going to spend the next five minutes rewording the worst jokes you've ever told, but it's going to be okay because I'm a stereotype and not a real person.
Anyway, for those of you who wanted me to make a proctology joke, don't be disappointed, because there was this doctor who commented on my ass the other day! Look! I swore! I'm controversial!
Thanks a lot! You've been a great crowd!