Get a real computer!

Get a real computer! imp.

Typical hacker response to news that somebody is having trouble getting work done on a system that (a) is single-tasking, (b) has no hard disk, or (c) has an address space smaller than 16 megabytes. This is as of early 1996; note that the threshold for `real computer' rises with time. See bitty box and toy.

--The Jargon File version 4.3.1, ed. ESR, autonoded by rescdsk.

This is dedicated to and inspired by maxclimb who was building a computer.

This is for all you techies out there!

I want the perfect computer.
I want a computer that I just… click with.
One that I know well and knows me.

I want a computer with sleek looks and plugs in all the right places.
And it better not freak out if I want to poke around inside.

I want it to tell me if something is wrong,
and bring up ways I can fix it.
I don’t want to guess
then find out I made it worse.

I want my computer to have protection.
I will be virus free.

I want a mouse that just fills my palm
and reacts every time I push my finger down.

I want speakers so loud everyone in the building hears.
But I want an off button that works every time.

The keyboard should always react under my fingertips.
The keys should always be perky
and not droop as time passes.

One that works well with a laptop if I want one.
So if I really want to I can plug them together and work on them both at the same time.

Don’t tell me it doesn’t exist.
I’ve seen it.
Yeah, I thumb through the magazines.
And there it is,
with all the parts splayed out and perfect.

And no assembly required.
Just plug it in and we’re ready to go.

But all I’ve got are short circuits and spare parts.