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This was written by me as a high school Humanities assignment a few years ago. We'd just read an excerpt from Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, the famous Jonathan Edwards sermon. The assignment was to write a parody of the sermon. I was offended that anyone's religious beliefs would be so parodied, even the beliefs of a man dead for over 200 years, and especially one whose beliefs were similar to mine, so I wrote this. And yes, it's meant to be heavy on the sarcasm.


So it is, that though God can not be hurt, or injured in any form or manner, in this day and age, God is held in the hands of the hateful people, over the pits of hate, distortion, and uncaringness; and that it is only by the pleasure of society, that He is not cast forever into the bottomless abyss of forgetfulness, but rather, kept as a point of mockery, hypocrisy, and blame.

Is it not, that when a man saith, "God!", it is less and less likely in a manner of reverence, and more and more in a manner of maliciousness, and hate, and blame, such that God must be worse than a guard, who, when saying, "I will protect thy house, for but a small token", does then, the moment we lay on our beds, come into the house, and steal our precious items, and slit our throats.

Is it not, that when a character on television, is portrayed as a Godly man, that he is portrayed as unknowing of the real way of the world, and is as such gullible to all forms of cheating and joking; or as one, who whilst in church, saith, “Lord, thou art my fortress,” but, the night before, had been in the corner tavern, drinking all manner of liquor; or as one, who being at first devout, suffers a calamity, such as a death in the family, and saith, “I have been misled - there is no God”; but never is there a Godly man on television, who is both good, and kind, and faithful, and perseverant, and understanding of the true ways of the world, yet partaking of them not; therefore, Godly men must be in all actuality evil, and mean, and hypocrites, or gullible in the most; for who is he that knoweth more than television, which hath judged so?

And is it not, that when a Godly man who has lived, or is living now, is mentioned, that more usual it will be, for one to tell of the flaws of that character, than for one to tell of his virtues, and what he has done to help others; therefore, a Godly man must be one who is deserving of such contempt, like a hypocrite, who doeth such good things in public, but in all actuality is evil, such as people tell of him.

God hath been judged by the society of today, and must repent, or else He will be thrown into the dreadful maw of the abyss of forgetfulness, such that the evil known as Godly men should be washed from us forever, and His influence removed, for then shall we be raised to perfection, as a man, thrown into the river with a rock tied to a rope round his neck, doth shirk the rope, and so gain the surface, and air, and life again.

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