My 5 year-old
cousin Serena, being in
first grade, had “
911 Day” at
school, which is when the
police,
fire department, and
ambulance come in to explain their
purpose, and what the kids should do in an
emergency,
etc, etc.
The next weekend, her father (and out of pure coincidence, my uncle) takes her to the local café for breakfast. Serena has recently, however, also had “Smores Day” at school, and having spotted smores on the menu, decides that this is what she really, really wants. My Uncle Rick, as any father would, explains that it is the morning, and that it's simply wrong to eat smores at such a time. (I have many memories of this same man making me breakfast when I was younger, which consisted of a bowl of my favorite marshmellow cereal with ice-cream, fig-newtons, chocolate sauce and sprinkles on the surface. But nevermind....) No, says Serena, she wants smores.
Too early, says Rick. Smores, says the child. Rick stands his ground. Serena's no dummy. She knows what to do.
Birds took off. Dogs turned heads. Pedestrians picked up the pace. Through the pleasant peace of a Saturday early morning came the screams of a child who has been denied chocolate. As Serena raged a full-out fit, Rick became desperate and promised her that she could have her smores later to quell the scene which drew the attention of every present party. Later, he says. She calms down.
After breakfast, Rick takes her home to her nanny, so he can do daddy-things and Mom can do mommy-things; Rick goes to play squash and Mom sleeps in (moms work so hard during the week, see?). So Serena and her nanny are hanging out, indulging in lego and whatnot, when Serena wants her smores. The nanny, from Nepal, is not entirely sure what these "smores" are. I'm sorry, she says. She doesn't understand. Serena wants her smores. Nanny wants to understand. Serena wants her smores. Nanny doesn't get it. Serena wants her MOTHERFUCKING SMORES RIGHT FUCKING NOW, ALRIGHT? Nanny can't interpret. Serena throws a fit to end all fits. Nanny can't help her. So what does Serena do? She calls 911.
I want my smores.
I'm sorry, could you repeat your emergency?
I want my smores.
Serena gets a bad feeling, so she hangs up. The police decide to call back. Serena has a really bad feeling as the phone rings. Um...don't answer it, she says to nanny. Why not, asks nanny. Just don't, says Serena. you don't want to. Don't. So she doesn't. The police decide to make a housecall. Poor nanny from Nepal has to explain to these officers that there's nothing wrong, it's only Serena having a fit over these "smore" things.
Serena gets another really bad feeling. She goes upstairs to wake exhausted Mommy. I'm really sorry Mommy, she pleads. I won't do it again, never ever! Mommy looks at Serena. SERENA, she says. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Rick comes home. Rick, says Mommy. Did you promise Serena....smores?
Uh, yeah, says Rick.
Ah, says Mommy.
The next weekend, to the cafe. And not surprisingly, Serena was allowed smores.