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Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) - Weasello Rating: {----} (Hurrrl!) {{ Prequel | Sequel }}
Please note that this review is laden with spoilers.

I was completely unprepared for this movie. As a quote on IMDB says; "One of the Strangest Sequels in the History of the Cinema."

Body count: 1 suicide nearly starts off the film, but there are otherwise 5 male deaths and 2 female deaths. And not to ruin any surprises, but following were 7 male robot deaths and 2 female robot deaths. This is a grand total of 17 deaths - one of the highest death counts in the Halloween series. Mind you, none of those deaths was done by Michael Meyers. More on that later.

Scream Count: A mere 5! And all were in response to impending doom; none of those fake-screams.

Porn Count: Yes, this is a horror movie. No, there was no softcore porn. Yes, this movie sucks.

OK, I lie. There was a very brief, 4-second (max) clip of a nipple, and some nice man-ass. This is all.

Outline: This movie never mentions the first two movies of the series, nor does it draw any parallels, and this movie is never referred to in any future Halloween movies. The star of the Halloween series isn't even hinted at, and there is no classic white-mask. This is a big warning sign to stay away from this movie!

You see, what happened, was John Carpenter felt the series wouldn't last and decided to make a new horror movie every year, each Halloween. None of the movies would be related, they would just be original one-shot horror stories. Sounds like a good plan, never before done by a horror movie producer.

(Un?)fortunately, Halloween III absolutely bombed at the box office and Carpenter decided to terminate his big plan. Even today, Halloween III holds the title of 63rd worst movie of all time in the IMDB worst-movie database.

In any case, this movie is about an evil toy company that wants to kill all the children in the world on Halloween night. This is accomplished by the main villain by stealing one of the 500-ton Stonehenge rocks, smuggling it into America, and using it's mystical magical powers in the construction of Halloween masks. Then, using an epilepsy-inducing television commercial, he will activate the evil powers and kill everyone.

Our "heroes" invade the evil factory and end up putting an end to the operation, and in the process finds out that the workers at the toy factory are all robots(?!?!). In the end, the commercials aren't stopped - and we are all scared out of our boots! OH NO!! OH DEAR GOD, THE EV... *sigh*

My Opinion: Oh dear god don't waste your money. RUN! RUN NOW!

Interesting Notes:
  • Here's an interesting note for you: I actually wasted my time doing a writeup about this movie. Why did I even bother? We may never know.
  • When the villain is explaining his nefarious plan (I swear, this movie is a comic-book ripoff), he almost answers a question we're all asking. "We took this giant rock from Stonehenge! And boy, you won't BELIEVE how we got it here!" ... And no, he never explains how. Nor does he ever explain how he made an army of superstrong robots.
  • And, to end the movie, we learn that anyone can make a phone call and have TV commercials pulled off the air in real-time over multiple networks. Ah, America.
  • Here's another quote from IMDB: "The original writer of the story was Nigel Kneale but he sued the producers to take his name off the movie after seeing how violent it was." More like after he saw how stupid it was.
Lead roles: Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace

Writing credits: Tommy Lee Wallace

Tagline: The night nobody came home
Sources: The oh-so-wonderful IMDB, my head, and the box.

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