Life was simple when I was a kid. My meals were cooked for me, my clothes were washed, I didn't have to pay rent, there were no bills, no trains to catch to work, no psychological mindgames, no relationship/lack of relationship worries - hell, when I was very very young, I didn't even have to wipe my own arse.

For a long time, I have thought of Heaven as the usual big, white area full of fluffy clouds and angels playing harps. It's just easier to use that as a frame of reference.

But when I was a kid, my ideal Heaven would have been lying in a hammock watching television, with the hammock full of Mars Bars and cans of Coke. Indoors, outdoors, I didn't really care, as long as I had my hammock, and as long as nothing obstructed my view of the TV.

Of course, that's assuming I end up in the right place - presumably my Hell would be a broken office chair, full of cinnamon/peanut butter snacks (vomit) and Red Bull (puréed & sieved vomit). And the TV would only be showing The Sullivans, A Country Practice, and Ally McBeal.

These days, I'm still sticking with the clouds and harps idea. But hopefully somewhere, maybe in a quiet corner, there'll be a little hammock with my name on it. And hopefully someone, just before I arrive, has the foresight to fill it up with the aforementioned chocolate bars and fizzy drinks, and to position the telly nicely for me. I may as well get my request in early, avoid the rush and all that.

By the way, this is not an invitation to start adding fatuous "Well I think Heaven is other people that you love/a big garden/a wonderful party" bullshit to the node, if this happens I take no responsibilty for the ensuing GTKY arse...

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