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Disclaimer: No offense is intended by the following!

The Encino School Board has declared Jewish English a second language. Backers of the move say the district is the first in the nation to recognize Hebonics as the language of many American Jews.

In Hebonics: Questions are always answered with questions:
Question: "How do you feel?"
Hebonics response: "How should I feel?"

The subject is often placed at the end of a sentence after a pronoun has been used at the beginning:
"She dances beautifully, that girl."

The sarcastic repetition of words by adding "sh" to the front is used for emphasis: mountains becomes "shmountains"; turtle becomes "shmurtle."

Sample Usage Comparisons:

Standard English Phrase: "He walks slowly"
Hebonics Phrase: "Like a fly in the ointment he walks."

English: "Sorry, I don't know the time"
Hebonics: "What do I look like, a clock?"

English: "I hope things turn out okay"
Hebonics: "You should BE so lucky!"

Engish: "I see you're wearing one of the ties I gave you."
Hebonics: "What's the matter, the other tie you didn't like?

English: "Anything can happen."
Hebonics: "Things are never so bad that they can't get worse"

English: "May I take your plate sir?"
Hebonics: "You've hardly touched your food. What's the matter, something's wrong with it?"

English: "It's been so long since you've called!"
Hebonics: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

English: "Let's not go skiing, lets go to the beach."
Hebonics: "Mountains, shmountains! Do I look like a sled to you?

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