The pageantry! The bright colors and the rollicking big band Jazz music. The lunch lolly is coming around again with it storehouse of lovely sandwiches, biscuits and teas. Here comes the lunch lolly!

Today we find the lunch lolly pulling up outside a group of businesses. There are over a dozen hungry chaps and birds just waiting to get themselves a bite to eat. This is what breaks up the monotony of their gray, dull days. And there, behind the wheel, is everyone's favorite lunch lolly operator. He may suffer from bouts of amnesia and lash out at people for all sorts of reasons, from race and religion to their bathing and investment habits, but all the people love when he comes around. He keeps a clean and tidy lunch lolly and everyone knows his wares are safe and nutritious.

"Lunch lolly operator! I'll have the ham and swiss! Rye bread!"

"You've got it, asshole. Coming up! I make these things from Estonian Christmas ham, you know."

His arrival creates the kind of atmosphere that hasn't been around much since before World War II. Everyone's heads bob to the big band Jazz music and they tap their toes and prance about like, as the lunch lolly operator would, say, "A bunch of fucking idiots."

"I can sell them anything. Bitters? I'll given them bitterness they will taste for days!"

Don't let me down
Don't let me down
I won't let you down
I won't let you down
No I won't
You know I can if you can, honey
But, honey, please don't

I got my black dog barkin'
Black dog barkin'
Yes it is now
Yes it is now
Outside my yard
Yes, I could tell you what he means
If I just didn't have to try so hard

--Bob Dylan, "Obviously Five Believers"

Ah, wait, here comes an interesting customer. A lovely young woman, she is, but she seems distracted. It is as if she is always plotting something. The lunch lolly operator rarely troubles her with his sarcasm and spite. He fears she may be some kind of psychopath and drain the life out of him. That cannot be done, as he has many stops to make, every business day, in his trusty lunch lolly.

"Beauty is where you find it
Not just where you bump and grind it."

Madonna, "Vogue"

Today he will try to get a rise out of her. "You smell like dollshit with burnt hair."

"I'll have turkey."

"What the fuck does that mean? You'll have turkey? Do you mean a whole freakin' turkey? Get real, weirdo psychopath lady."

She giggles. "Turkey with mayo on wheat bread."

"You'll have nothing and like it, weirdo. I have Estonian Christmas ham."

"Introduce me to that big one,
She's got a touch of Tuesday Weld."

--Donald Fagen, "New Frontier"

It might have ended there, but the notorious British Frenchman stepped forward from the crowd, with his dashing good looks, his excessive cologne and his smart looking outfit that looked like a combination of a business suit and a pirate costume. A cape was also involved.

"You will not refuse this beautiful woman a turkey sandwich, you cruel and twisted lunch lolly operator!"

"Who the hell is this guy?" the lunch lolly operator asked, looking to his regular customers for support. "He looks like some sort of fudge packer."

"Sir, I will ask you to throw down if you speak that way in front of the lady again!"

"Do they look like psychos?
Is that what they look like?
They were vampires.
Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them.
I don't care how crazy they are."

--George Clooney in "From Dusk Till Dawn"

"That's the notorious British Frenchman," whispered an elderly financial advisor who was eagerly awaiting her opportunity to order a plate of fish and chips.

"The notorious British Frenchman! I thought he only bothered Chuck over in East London!"

"He's after the psychotic lady, even though her heart belongs to another. He is dastardly!"

"Dastardly, you say! He's not after my wife, is he?"

"I don't think so."

"Then I really don't give a shit. Someone hoist him up by his own petard. I don't have time to deal with this cape-wearing--"

"Shut up! I can't take it any longer!" screamed the psychopath woman. "Stop it! I just want a turkey sandwich! Stop it before I go crazy and destroy all of your lives!"

"How exactly are you going to do that?"

"I'm not sure... give me time..."

I keep remembering
Someone that I should forget
Someone I'm in love with, yes sweetheart
I keep remembering all the things you used to do
When the world was meant for us two

A few happy hours and then goodbye
Like yesterday's flowers...

"Look out! The British Frenchman has a sword!"

"Someone step up to the plate!"

"I'm not going near him. He has The Clap!"

My sweetest memories
Brings me nothing but regret
Still I keep remembering
What I should forget.

--"I Keep Remembering", composed by Charles Newman, as recorded by Count Basie

Once again, the lunch lolly pulled away before things got completely out of hand. There were many other stops to be made.

It will be back tomorrow. Most of the regulars will come back.

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