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Quirky Warren Zevon song, cowritten by "Tuesdays With Morrie" author Mitch Albom, with David Letterman doing backup vocals (yes, really). Also known as "The Hockey Song" (not to be confused with "The Hockey Song", by Stompin' Tom Connors).

The song was released as a single in March 2001, and Zevon sang the song on Late Show with David Letterman in April 2001.

From a purely hockey standpoint, it's not the most realistic of all songs, as even goons score some goals (for example, Tie Domi has 68 goals in 710 games, through the 2000-2001 season). Still, I presume the purpose of the song is to be fun and not to be painstakingly accurate. And it accomplishes its goal well (no pun intended).

The song has gotten played some in hockey arenas, but some teams have deemed it "too violent", and refused to play it.

The song is fairly long (approx. 5:20). Below is the lyrics. "Hit somebody!" in the choruses is yelled by David Letterman.

Lyrics note: for those who don't know much about hockey, a "flashing red light" is a goal light behind the net, which flashes after a goal.

Hit Somebody (The Hockey Song)

He was born in Big Beaver, by the borderline
He started playing hockey by the time he was nine
His dad took a hose and froze the backyard
Little Buddy dreamed he was Rocket Richard
He grew up big and he grew up tough
He saw himself scoring for the Wings or Canucks
But he wasn't good with a puck

Buddy's real talent was beating people up
His heart wasn't in it, but the crowd ate it up
From pee-wees and juniors and midgets and mites
He must have racked up more than 300 fights
Til a scout from the Flames came down from Saskatoon
"Said there's always room on our team for a goon"
"Son we've always got room for a goon"

There were Swedes to the left of him, Russians to the right
A Czech at the blue line looking for a fight
Brains over brawn; that might work for you
But what's a Canadian farm boy to do?
Hit somebody!
What else can a farm boy from Canada do?
Hit somebody!
What's a Canadian farm boy to do?
Hit somebody!
What else can a farm boy from Canada do?

"Hit somebody!", was what the crowd roared
When Buddy the goon came over the boards
"Coach", he'd say, "I wanna score goals"
The coach said "Buddy, remember your role"
"The fast guys get paid; they shoot and they score"
"Protect them Buddy, that's what you're here for"
"Protection; it's what you're here for"
"Protection; it's the stars who score"
"Protection; go and kick somebody's ass"
"protection; don't put the biscuit in the basket"

Just hit somebody; it rang in his ears
Blood on the ice ran down through the years
The king of the goons
With a box for a throne
A thousand stitches and broken bones
He never lost a fight on his icy patrol
But deep inside, Buddy only dreamed of a goal
He just wanted one damn goal

There were Swedes at the blue line, Finns at the red
A Russian with a stick heading straight for his head
Brains over brawn that might work for you
But what's a Canadian farm boy to do?
Hit somebody!
What else can a farm boy from Canada do?
Hit somebody!
What's a Canadian farm boy to do?
Hit somebody!
What else can a farm boy from Canada do?

In his final season, on his final night
Buddy and a Finn goon were pegged for a fight
Thirty seconds left and the puck took a roll
And suddenly Buddy had a shot on goal
The goalie committed, Buddy picked his spot
Twenty years of waiting went into that shot
The fans jumped up and the Finn jumped too
And cold-cocked Buddy on his follow-through
The big man crumbled but he felt all right
'Cause the last thing he saw was the flashing red light
He saw that heavenly light

There were Swedes to the left of him, Russians to the right
A Czech at the blue line looking for a fight
Take care of your teeth, that might work for you
But what's a Canadian farm boy to do?
Hit somebody!
What else can a farm boy from Canada do?
Hit somebody!
What's a Canadian farm boy to do?
Hit somebody!
What else can a farm boy from Canada do?
Hit somebody!
What's a Canadian farm boy to do?
Hit somebody!
What else can a farm boy from Canada do?

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