display | more...

"They were selling our heritage to the same fucking guys that used to beat us up in P.E.!" - A Penny Arcade Strip

It's baffling to see that Nintendo has resorted to cheesy, novelty shirts to make up for being #3 to Microsoft and Sony in the console market. These shirts are EVERYWHERE it seems like. And sure, I don't buy them and despite getting a little cringe every time I see them, it's not a horrible world shattering problem. But it's worth noting just how horrible these shirts are.

Now, they are many different types of these horrible (and yes, official) Nintendo shirts. They are the ones that take a "hip" phrase and paste a Nintendo image on there for good measure. Such as "Keep it real" with an NES controller, "Byte me" with a piranha plant, "I've got mad bills" with a variety of different Bullet Bill styles and of course "Mario is my Homeboy," a variation on the popular "Jesus is my homeboy" and for you New Englanders..."Damon is my homeboy" (although most Boston Red Sox fans tossed that shirt out after their "homeboy" followed that fat $52 million dollar check all the way to The Bronx).

You have your cultural reference ones. A picture of Donkey Kong on a kart that says "Chimp my ride" (::cringe::), a Mega Man shirt that says "Say hello to my little friend," a shirt with a number of mushrooms that says "What happens in the Mushroom Kingdom, stays in the Mushroom Kingdom," and a shirt with Mario making the peace sign that says "Vote for Mario."

Then, of course, what would the whole "words on a shirt" industry be without the good ol' sexual references. Like one with Mario leading off Princess Toadstool that says "I scored with the princess." Two hands holding a Game Boy with text next to it saying "You'll never forget your first." "Play with me" and "Everyone loves a player" which both, yet again, feature the icon that makes every girl all hot and bothered...the NES controller. An image of Dr. Mario with the text "Let's play doctor." Mario and Luigi holding plumbing equipment with the phrase "Clean your pipes" right next to them. And a shirt with a NES cartridge that just says "Blow me," which was somewhat hilariously modeled by a gorgeous model in some online store I came across. Pardon the broad generalization...but I really doubt she's ever spent a half hour using the "blow method" trying to get Mike Tyson's Punchout to work...

...then again...I doubt any person who’s ever flown the flag of “real gamer” would ever utter any phrase on the shirts, much less own them. Which to me, is the real absurdity of these shirts. But hey...whatever sells.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.