Here's the secrets
for winning Everything2
Gain lots of XP writing as little as possible (as measured by node-fu). At each level, you will have to defeat a boss. Here's the boss at each level and how to defeat them.
- Level One The boss for this level is N-Wing. He will attempt to box your character into a corner using his deadly write code at superhuman speed attack. To defeat him, distract him by pointing out a superdoc that uses depricated HTML like <b> and <i> instead of <strong> and <em>.
- Level Two Klaproth is the boss of this level, but he is easy to defeat. Just write good nodes, and he will have no power over you.
- Level Three takes a bit of time to reach, but it's where moJoe lurks. To defeat moJoe, you must find the secret highest-rep node on E2 and vote on it.
- Level Four You would think that the boss for this level, dannye, would be placed on a higher level. Did you ever notice that most of the folks that appear in the chatterbox are level 4 and below? Most cannot get past dannye because they're now considered non-newbies and have to take responsibility for their own writeups. The trick to get past dannye is to begin writing decent nodes and submitting a nuke request for the silly fluff you wrote when you first arrived in this game. Note that some folks enjoy interacting with dannye, and so they limit their writing to keep them here.
- Level Five The game designers were not fair when they used TWO bosses for this level. JayBonci and Professor Pi will work together to confuse you, typically with the Professor spouting chemistry and JB adding more tools and applications to your webpage until it crashes your browser. You know when they're around, since the server "suddenly" acts very slow and your /msgs get reposted several times. If you listen closely, you can hear them laughing in the background. To defeat them, join edev and earn a devpoint OR ask JayBonci to write a new thingamabob in perl while simultaneously asking Professor Pi to fully explain the new level system he's been experimenting with.
- Level Six Demeter is the Queen of Level Six. While in her domain, you'll have to deal with picking out a picture for your homenode. To defeat Demeter in the last scene of L6, you have to submit a good story to Extraverse Magazine AND appreciate good poetry. A lot of folks cannot grasp the meaning behind most poetry because they don't try, or they force their own bias or opinions on top of the meaning of the poem. This boss can give you excellent examples of the poetic art to practice with.
- Level Seven is JessicaPierce's domain. This level scares most men, since the boss is the scariest of creatures: a beautiful woman with a brain and the wits to match. She can use a multi-layered attack, ranging from shy flirt to rip-off-yer-uvula. Sometimes you'll wonder just what hit you! To defeat this boss, distract her by saying, "It 'twas me who sent you the pony!"
- Level Eight Eight is enough when you have to deal with thefez! There is a whole attack system named after this boss ("Fezisms Generator"). You'll have to go toe-to-toe with thefez, trying to out-do his insanity by shouting in the chatterbox (in all caps) such things as, Great Jumping Jeebus with an Eye Patch and a Wiffle-Ball Bat! and Platonic Lesbian Monkeys Dealing Condoms from a Phone Booth!
- Level Nine Cool Man Eddie is the King of the Hill here. He be bustin' yo ass wit a cap. A secret shortcut is to send large quantities of 40-ouncers to: Cool Man Eddie, in care of Dem Bones, Blockstackers Inc. A bit of weed will seal the deal. Bones promises that Eddie gets "almost every ounce!"
- Level Ten Gritchka rules here, and some folks consider this to be the toughest boss. Gritchka will use the "bottomless pit of semantics knowledge" to inundate you with words you didn't even know existed. To defeat this boss, you must comb through all of Gritchka's nodes and spot the error. Notice that "the error" is singular... you have a lot of reading to do!
- Level Eleven The problem with level 11 is you have to get past Wharfinger. Wharfinger uses reverse psychology, and is just so helpful and encouraging that you don't want to leave the comfort of this level. To get past this level, you must gird your loins and write, avoiding the evil noding for numbers pitfall.
- Level Twelve The end of the game is in sight, so the game designers have to bring out the heavy artillery, also known as dem_bones! Sometimes seen as the Drill Sargeant of E2, he will teach you to write responsibly while simultaneously shouting in your ear about your stupid mistakes. Real stupidity gets a rifle-butt to the groin and a kick to the EDB holding cell. Strangely enough, to get past this boss, do the exact same thing as you did for Cool Man Eddie, then view summertime bones and not giggle.
- Level Thirteen Nate is the boss of Level 13. Only the toughest (or most prolific) noders reach this point. They're put to the test, however, with Nate's ability to do almost anything with his E2God-like power. To get past this level, you have to send in a bribe, get drafted into the ranks of content editors or gods, plus dress up in a pink tutu and put the picture up on your homenode for a month.
- Level Fourteen EDB is the boss for this level. Notice there are no Level 15 people. It is impossible to reason with or kill this boss, so it's generally considered a "win" if you reach Level 14. Should anyone figure out how to defeat the EDB, we'll post it here for your playing pleasure.
The leader board can be viewed at the Ladder.
Thanks to dem_bones for the idea, many weeks ago.