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    How to crack an egg with one hand--a cooking skill that makes little difference in the finished product, but impresses observers.

  1. Hold the egg in the palm of your hand (palm facing down), gripping firmly, but not squeezing, with the first and second fingers on one side and the thumb on the other side. This is the basic curveball grip, baseball fans.
  2. Tap the egg sharply against something hard*. Keep your wrist straight; wrist-flexing will absorb the energy of your tapping, and tend to prevent the egg from cracking. On your next--more vigorous--attempt, the egg will explode all over your hand and drive shards of egg shell into your flesh.
  3. Here's the tricky part: Without relaxing your grip, hold the egg over your intended receptacle and, while squeezing gently with your thumb, slide your first and second fingers in opposite directions along the surface of the egg, toward its ends, keeping the pressure of your fingers even. This seperates the two halves of the egg shell cleanly** and releases the egg content--usually in one piece. If it is important to you that the yolk should be unbroken, use a cold egg; otherwise, room temperature is best.

*As sensei remarks, an egg shell cracked on a flat surface, rather than the edge of a bowl, will tend to stay in bigger pieces. This, I believe, is due to the relative immobility of flat surfaces in the kitchen compared to modern lightweight mixing bowls and Teflon pans. Really, a heavy china mixing bowl or cast-iron pan is fine. Reduces clean-up, too.

**If you do end up with some bits of shell suspended in the egg white, use a large piece of shell to scoop them out--works better than fingers!

Concerning wharfingergambit--one must be certain about such a thing as flying egg attack--situation demanding of hardlink to potato cannon node for insurance of safe breakfast with exploding eggs and potatoes!

Place the egg on a soft cloth on your countertop. This is to prevent it from rolling away.

Stand about two feet from the edge of the counter, with your feet slightly apart. Acknowledge the egg with a polite nod, fix its position in your mind, then close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Compose yourself. Relax the muscles of your arms, legs, back, and face. Hold yourself in a position of readiness. Breathe deeply and regularly until you reach a state of perfect equilibrium.

Think only of the egg.

In one smooth motion, shout "Hai!", open your eyes, and swing your right fist over your head and downward, such that it makes contact with the egg at the instant when its momentum is greatest.

If the procedure has been performed correctly, the egg will be completely destroyed. It should no longer pose a threat.

Make some toast, pour some coffee. Enjoy your breakfast.

So, Jimmy an' me was workin' da' case. You remember da' one, right? Da' gal what was offed over in Brooklyn back in '64? Jeeze, dat case got some print. Me 'n' Jimmy was famous dere for 'bout 15 minutes. I guess dat's how she goes.

Well, anywhosit, we get dis tip 'bout some dude dey called Eggs McMuffins. Me 'n' Jimmy been workin' dem docks fer 20 years, an' ain't neither of us heard nuttin' 'bout no "Eggs McMuffins." Well, it turns out dis McMuffins dude was hired outta Detroit by da Bewleys over on 43rd. You know, da ones what run da hookers downtown?

Well, it turns out dat Mr. McMuffins was more interested in offin' a hooker dan he was in doin' what me 'n' Jimmy likes to do to 'em. I ain't goin' into no details here. You gets my drift, eh?

We pull McMuffins in late one Saturday nite, 'n' he's all Detroit stiff 'n' won't say shit to us. Me 'n' Jimmy pulled da "bad cop, worse cop" on 'im, like we likes ta do. But McMuffins ain't spillin' nuttin.

Then Jimmy gets dis look in his eye like sumpin I ain't never seen before. He almost looks like he's likin' dis hood or sumpin. An' before I can say Jimmy Crack Corn, he's done put his hand down McMuffin's fat ass crack an' stuck his thumb 'n' two fingers up dis hood's ass. An' grinnin' all da time.

Well, McMuffins spilt his guts an' told us da dumpster he put dat broad in an' we had ourselves a collar an' me 'n' Jimmy had ourselves an appointment down at da' diner. I made 'im wash his damn hands 'fore we ordered. I tol' him, "Jimmy, that ain't romance I smell dere."

And them was da headlines in da paper da next day. "How to crack an Egg with one hand."

If I'm lyin' I'm fryin'.

Just a little tidbit of information of breaking eggs with one hand.

In my 'profession' (*cough* McDonald's Manager *cough*) it has become necessary for me to crack eggs. When I was younger and lower down the ladder I spent every weekend cracking eggs for 4 hours, so I have gained quite a knack for it. The top write-up is quite accurate, but I feel it has has overcomplicated quite a simple action. So please, enjoy....

Step 1

Having eggs to cook is fairly important. Preferably fresh, as rotten eggs won't result in a good quality meal. At all cost avoid finding an egg that contains a chicken embryo. Seeing one pop out when all you were expect white and yolk scares the bejesus out of you - plus it ruins your rhythm.

Step 2

Prepare your cooking surface (which I would assume is hot) with butter or oil. If you are desperate for some egg goodness, you can go without the previously mentioned cooking lubricant, but things may not go as smoothly as you might hope. Cooked egg is cooked egg yes?

Step 3

Crack the egg on something. Doesn't need to be a sharp edge, just hard. All you need to do is crack the shell. If you succeed you move onto...

Step 4

With the egg positioned over the cooking surface, dig two fingers in. Nothing complicated, just dig in - and then separate them. Out comes egg and leaves you with a hand full of shell.

Sometimes, little shards of egg shell will get in the egg - just dig it out. You won't burn yourself, and breaking the yolk isn't a big deal.

Once you 'master' the one handed egg, you can then move onto more advanced tricks. Like cracking an egg in each hand, or even better, cracking 2 eggs per hand. Nothing impresses new employees than saying "Hey, come over here and watch this" and then cracking 4 eggs at a time - unless you completely fuck it up and have 4 eggs explode in your hands.

Personally, I find going two eggs a time gives the best performance vs accuracy result. I can crack 2 dozen eggs in the same time it takes most people to crack 8.

Have fun cracking some eggs!

The one-handed egg cracking skill, regardless of your martial technique, is one of the most important demonstrations of a subtle level of breakfast mastery. Not only is it essential for any short-order all night diner cook having to make endless inane smalltalk with late hour drunks and vagabonds, but for home use, especially in this era of the kitchen as the social center of gatherings, it can be the tiny piece of sentimental magic which either makes or breaks any morning-after engagement. The most obvious example is with a sexual partner whom may or may not have been entirely impressed with your erstwhile performance. The one-handed egg display indicates to the other person, "hey, at least they've got some talent because they managed to make my eggs a perfect 'over medium' while refusing to let go of my ass with their other hand... hmmm. There is some potential here."

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