HOW TO MAKE A FLAMING BAG OF POOP
The first step in making an excellent bag of flaming poop is to get the accessories for the poop bag. You want to do this first so you don’t have an accident in the grocery store when getting the proper accessories. Remember no one likes a kid with shit running down his or her legs, well I guess some people do but that is just gross. You are going to want to find a brown paper bag the kind you would get a lunch in when you were in Grade School. This will only run you about a dollar or two.
Secondly you are going to want to find something to light this shit bag on fire. Any matches will do for this. If you want to get fancy you can get the trigger lighters with the long neck to avoid burning your fingers.
Than on the way home from the store stop by a local fast food restaurant to get the poop a going. So you have to choose what you eat very carefully. Avoid foods that make your stool loose because this would lead to a sloppy bag of poop and that is not our goal here, if you are lactose intolerant stay away from dairy products. Foods from Taco Bell or McDonald's are a great choice for myself. These restaurants make me shit with in a half hour of consumption but again be careful of what you choose to eat. The food can’t be too greasy or it will turn out bad.
Than when you are at home you are going to want to shit in the bag. I would do this in an area of calm so no stage fright will occur. Best place for this is your own throne of pooping. Take two brown bags that you purchased earlier out and place one inside the other an have them both open. The double bagging is a safety precaution so the poop doesn’t leak. Now hover over the bag and take a nice dump inside the bag, once done wipe like normal and flush the TP down the toilet.
The hardest part is now over and now you have to make the choice of whose doorstep to leave this glowing miracle at. Think of people that made your life harder than it should be. This could include teachers, principles, and any other a-hole that messed with the wrong person.
Now go to that house, at night is the prime time because it gives cover while you set up to ruin this person’s day. Make sure the intended person is home and quietly run up to the door and place said bag directly in front of the front main door. Light the bag first so you don’t mess it up and than ring the doorbell. Run like hell to a near tree or bush so you can hide while still seeing the look on the person’s face and hear them get pissed off. This should offer some happiness to your day. “It’s that damned poop again, Call the fire department this one is out of control!”