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My aunt does this every time she sends a letter to my mom. She writes on the back of the envelope something like "Hey, do you still have a crush on your mailman?". Sure, the chances of the busy mailman seeing it are slim, but if he has, I am sure he has gotten quite a kick out of it... :)

Often, a couple of years ago, I would write love letters to the mailman. I went all out. I got out frilly stationary, a huge quill and a bottle of ink and wrote the most daring erotic messages I could possibly think of coming from a 13-year-old. After doing this, I would find some strong perfume and spray it all over the envelope and address it to: "Dearest Bruce". I don't know what happened.

Another fun thing to do was use words that rhyme with their first name to make up a nickname. I called my mailman Spruce Bruce. When he wasn't looking, I would profess my sincere love for him out the window. It was wrong, I know. It got to the point where everyone in my house thought that I really did like the mailman. Because he changed his route time to around noon when I'm not home, I don't see him much anymore.

And we have history! How dare he avoid me!

So I started doing this to my neighbor instead...

I remember reading about how great the postal
service could be. Stuck in an airport without a card,
i wrote to my friend on the back of a stamp.
I fit his address on the back of the stamp
and said hi. i mailed it, he never got it.

Once my mom sent me a postcard for my birthday, it was a big cardboard thing, about 1/4" of an inch think, 8"x8", with four cartoon cows on the front with a birthday cake and a big banner. Don't ask, it was the early 90's and for some reason cows were still considered somewhat cool, a byproduct of the late 80's.

Anyhow, so I get this postcard from my mom and when you push one of the cartoon cow belly buttons the card starts singing.


(MOOOO) (sound of a real cow)


(MOOO)(sound of a real cow)

and so on and so forth.

Anyhow, I flip the card over and see that its signed by my mom and about 15 other people, all of them with different words of congratulations. I figure they are friends from work or some such thing and when I speak to her next I request that she thank her church friends for signing my card. She says 'No one else signed that card'.

Looks like every postal worker that touched it signed it, looks like I made a bunch of postal workers day a bit nicer and they made my birthday a great conversation starter.

I still have that damn card and it's 13 years, 5 cities, 2 companies, 4 jobs, 6 girlfriends, one wife and one son later.

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