There are a
number of
theories as to how one should
name their
artichoke, the primary explications being the "one name" theory and the "first and
middle initial" theory. Naturally,
all artichokes being brothers, they share the
last name, "
Choke." But it is what precedes this which differentiates the
battling schools of
thought.
The one name theory proceeds from the view that all artichokes should be named some
variation of "
Arthur" -- "Artie" for short. Popular variations include "Arturo" and "
Artemis" as well as, simply, "
Art."
The first and middle initial theory proposes that all artichokes should possess a
first name beginning with the
letter "
R" and a
middle name beginning with the letter "
T," and should properly be
addressed by these initials: "R. T. Choke." This view, though initially deemed
scandalous, instantly
promised a far greater variety of
potential total names for ones's artichokes, though it is observed that the most
popular by far remain "Robert Thomas Choke," followed by "Roger Theodore Choke."
A third,
minor school of thought permits one's artichoke to have a first name of "Art," or some other variation of "Arthur," abbreviated as "Art," and a middle name beginning with a "T" so that the
final construction is one of "Art T. Choke." While it is noted that this
preserves the
ancient tradition of naming one's artichoke for a variation of "Arthur," it removes from this practice the usage of "Artie" -- which some see as overly casual and familiar, lacking the requisite
seriousness accompanying the staid
tenor of this solemnly important
vegetable.
But whatever name one chooses to give one's artichoke, the thing to remember is that the naming of one's artichoke is a
vital symbol of
human respect for the
contribution of the
plant to the
well-being of all
mankind.
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