...and
boy, are my arms tired!
Mental masturbation, contrary to
popular belief, does not involve
visualizing sexy spirits,
summoning the Great and Roving Cock of Babylon, or even
taper candles.
In fact, all it takes to
masturbate with your
brain alone is
talent. And that's a talent for
getting lost in your
own world, by the way. The
farther out you can step from
reality, and the
longer you can stay there, the better. Kinda like your
standard blowjob, but it hurts your
neck less.
So, for the last
two weeks, I've been
riding the Everything mental masturbatory train to the
edges of infinity and back,
purely for scientific reasons, of course. I've found
Zen koans, but those were too
obvious, so I switched over to
pot (lots of
stimulus in those nodes), from there to
fictional characters--woo!--and back, eventually, to
politics. Politics was a
challenge.
But that got
boring too; I needed something to stimulate that
cerebral g-spot everybody talks about.
So I started on
everything users. Oh yes, many of you have been
victimized. For all you know, your
e-personalities have been
sloshing in my
pineal secretions for
days now. Are you feeling
tired?
Stretched out, maybe? Does your brain have a
wrinkle or two that wasn't there before? Is that
medulla a little
limp today? (You'll know that your medulla is limp if you occasionally
stop breathing, I think).
So yes, ok,
fine, I've been mentally masturbating for weeks, lost in the
infinitudes of
something or other that is definitely
not reality, ooh-ing and aah-ing and occasionally even making
that face while I was at
work. But be careful
condemning me, because for all you know,
you've been doing it with me. Ooh. Aah. Think
harder for me! Think
faster!!!
...and don't be
silly, of course this was a
nodeshell challenge, and you can blame
hoopy_frood fo the other end of it. Don't worry, I'm
exacting my revenge as we speak...his medulla will be
sore for weeks.