Get off my lawn you god damn hippies!
Last year, at the
Cumberland County Fair,
Jonno and me decided to put the beer down
and look for some ladies...
I had just shaved. I smelled like musk.
I exuded the confidence and strength
of a man 20 years younger than myself.
I still had it.
It was years since I had a woman.
Last time was oh, before my poor wife Jenna
damaged her internal organs on the tilt-a-whirl
and died at the hospital because of internal
bleeding...
Jonno said he saw Miss Grape and Miss Gaddis
next to the
ferris wheel about a ten minutes
ago, and they still could be there.
Now it was common knowledge that every year,
Miss Grape and Miss Gaddis stood by the ferris
wheel and waited for two lads to accompany them
for the ride...
Most years they spent their time on the ground,
but this year was different...Jonno and me
had no standards. We were men driven.
We had just shaved. We smelled like musk.
Jonno and me waltzed up to em and were like,
"Hey, ladies, wanna go for a ride on the wheel?"
It didn't take em long to realize that they
weren't getting any younger so they accepted
our invitation...
Miss Grape got in a car with Jonno.
Miss Gaddis got in a car with me.
I caught her smelling my musk.
Before long we were off...spinning through
the air at a comfortable pace...
Now I had had a few beers, and I really
wanted to get laid, so I started performing
tricks. I raised the bar and stood up and
started an erotic dance for Miss Gaddis.
I could tell she was enjoying my display
of manhood, but before she could tell me,
or reciprocate, or give me some, I fell off the
ferris wheel and now I am paralyzed and bitter.
Now get off my lawn you god damn hippies.