At first,
the more times I watched Fight Club, the more this line bothered me.
Ed Norton's character had just gotten everything he wanted: freedom from his job, revenge on his boss. "We now had
corporate sponsorship, and this is how
Tyler and I were able to have
Fight Club every night of the week." How
triumphant! Everything he wanted. That which did not matter, at last sliding.
We pan to him lurking amidst the throng of grunting, cheering men, surrounded by
sweat.
"I am Jack's wasted life."
But now it's the best line of the movie, and the part of it I missed so long. I took away from
Fight Club the knowledge of the fact that
there was something missing and wrong in my life, and that my priorities were no longer my own. I took from Fight Club the knowledge that I am just a part of the
all singing all dancing crap of the world. I took it too far. It got me in trouble, thinking I was just
one girl in billions and billions unworthy of one of the gems of the world's attention. It didn't give me anywhere to go.
If
self-improvement is masturbation, self-destruction is
suicide. Norton may have been destroying himself full-time, but he still wasn't making anything that was important to him.
Self-destruction helps, but it isn't the answer. Deprioritizing the crap in your life helps, but it's nothing if you don't find something new to put at the top of that list.
Knowing is half the battle, but half isn't anywhere close to whole.
Me, I stopped moping in all the
discouragement and started making something I cared about, and
everything changed in an
instant.
If I weren't Jack's wasted life, we'd have a very, very different ending.