I repeat:

giving another person the power to make me happy (through "love") is an idea that terrifies me.

if I give someone the power to make me happy, I am also giving them the power to make me miserable.

if other people are always making me happy, I may forget how to make myself happy.

when the person entrusted with my heart walks away, I can ask for my CDs and favorite cardigan back...

but it's much harder for them to return my independence.

especially if they have no idea I'd given it up...

especially if they didn't want it in the first place.

I am terrified of loving anything that doesn't have four legs and a tail.

but I am starting to find a healthy balance between loving others and loving myself.

I am not a human leech.

I am not an ice queen.

I am maturing.

Dear You,

You never laid a hand on me in anger, but after sixteen years you finally beat my spirit. You finally had control. You tried to tell me you loved me, but that never healed the broken heart you gave me. You convinced me I was the problem, I disagreed, so I convinced myself you were. I did everything I could think of to be the daughter you wanted me to be, but that's just not who I am. You refused to listen. I had to leave

Now I’m not around anymore. Now you care? I’m finally happy. I've lifted that weight you held on my shoulders. Now you expect me to open my arms to you. Why should I won’t let you back in. I deserve better then what you gave me. I deserve unconditional love. And now that I’ve found that I am not afraid of you anymore

I found my healing, my feet, my wings. I finally learned to fly after being anchored to you for so long. I found my smile again. I found love, the kind you were incapable of giving me. I rediscovered the joy of laughter, the beauty of life, and the contentment of friendship. I will no longer allow you to control me.

I am not afraid of you anymore


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