Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "I found satori in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart, and I’m fucking pissed off cos I paid full price for that shit when it was new"

• Goddamnit, man, it's like this shit knows what I'm fucking thinking
• How to tell when someone else is full of shit
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• when i get my shit together i'm going to rule this town
• bargain bin
• When Frederic Was a Little Lad
• When I'm at my computer.
• The Firestone dealership was full to the brim with cars. But I reasoned I would need a boat, since my desire was to go to Ireland. Just then a harsh reminder surfaced; water is expensive in hell.
• When she was bad
• When serpents bargain for the right to squirm
• I'm fucking addicted, OK?
• finding my way back to sanity again, though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there
• somehow I felt hopeful, as if I have finally found a ragtag army of fellow fighters, none of whom cared what socks I was wearing
• How a terrorist can deliver a nuke to a US city at a bargain basement price
• When again between cities was comfortable and right
• When I Was A Baby
• Oh, when I was in love with you
• This was when I knew my childhood was over
• I'm glad the evil overlord was on my team
• I'm Rudy Giuliani! I was mayor of New York on 9/11! I Should Be The President!
• When the shit hits the fan
• I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
• The Price is Right is Fucking Rigged
• When I was young Time had no wings
• It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead
• When H.A.R.L.I.E. Was One
• When he was little, he laughed in his sleep.
• When I Was a Babe
• I remember when it was me who made you want to take over the world and enslave humanity
• I am sorry but when you were talking I was admiring the shape of your lips and evaluating their kissability
• Suicidal teens fucking piss me off
• There was silence in my heart, but you found a way to break it.
• The sandbox, it is full of shit (category)
• Stop saying "religion" when you mean "a particular religion about which I'm bitter"
• Shit, it talks; I'm out of here
• Paid in Full
• He was found
• What do I do when I'm alone?
• Some Jews actually get pissed when you wish them a Merry Christmas
• When I was your age
• Climbing cherry trees when I was younger
• I'm gonna miss this light when it's gone. I'm gonna miss this darkness too.
• I'm too old for this shit
• When she was new, she rolled around the sky like a black umbrella blown by the wind
• I remember when it was me who made her toilet flush
• When I Was Cruel
• When I was Fair and Young
• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• When I was a kid, I wanted to get tuberculosis
• When the Space Shuttle Columbia was destroyed on re-entry, I felt a deep sorrow that Cowboy Bebop was now implausible
• The Marlboro Man died of cancer, but he wasn't a rocket scientist when he was healthy, ha ha ha.
• Who shouted with glee when the colour blue was born?
• When I was very young, I knew that the world was made of honey.
• I got the feeling the Fairy Council was mad at me when the president knocked over her coffee to get a better grip on my neck
• The class valedictorian was still tripping balls when he was bailed out in time to give the commencement speech at graduation
• When he was five, his father made him murder his imaginary friend.
• I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
• When I Was a Lad
• I Fell Out of School, and All I Found Was This Necklace
• The train station was fucking freezing and
• Are you such a fucking loser you can't tell when you've won?
• The hole in the ground for bodily waste when camping
• I walk around when I'm high
• Trying to keep up with technology, when the quiet full moon is momentarily more than enough
• I didn't ask if the glass was half full or half empty. I've always had enough to drink.
• i enjoy myself most when i'm all alone
• How can I talk about love when the bacon is burned and the house is an absolute mess and the children are screaming their heads off and I'm going to miss my bus?
• I'm not a geek, and I wish I were
• Women want me when I'm taken
• I'm so worldly, I shit globes
• I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
• I always sound Irish when I'm trying to be charming
• I'm starting to think I was a waste of a perfectly good placenta
• fuck it, I love you even if I'm gonna feel like shit
• When the Pope says shit
• No shit, there I was
• for a long time i was afraid i would forget; now i'm afraid i might not
• What I wrote when I was missing David
• You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up
• When the shit hits the Diffusion pump
• Some vampires actually get pissed when you tell them to Have A Nice Day
• Don't touch me when I'm on a boat
• When my ten year old niece found out about masturbation
• I remember when it was me who made her skin flush
• I don't remember what life was like when I was seven. I like the taste of air. What should I do?
• When I Was Born for the 7th Time
• When daddy was the handsome prince
• When I was ten years old
• November 4, 1995
• Do you remember how small your body was when you were five?
• The smiles you smiled when you thought no one was looking
• When I was young
• When I awoke, I was alone, and screaming
• It was daylight when you looked up from your ditch
• When I was five years old, I knew I was going to die
• Once when I got like this I thought I was building a boat
• When we was fat ( ... or, Lord Gym)
• When Desire Was a Virtue
• Back when our blood was still warm
• someday, when she will think back upon the time when she was as yet undishonored
• And when she came back she was nobody's wife
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• and when you woke up, your goldfish bowl was empty?
• I was throwing around useless proverbs when all she needed was to be held and told that she was beautiful
• I wish when I closed a book I could set it on the shelf and know it was really over
• When I was 9
• collecting on old debts from when mom was a loan shark
• When I woke up this morning, I thought I was a parallelogram. I still have a sneaking suspicion.
• man when you are telling me how it was
• Waiting until dusk, when it was safe
• When I Was One-and-Twenty
• now, when it's nearly impossible to get lost and twice as impossible not to be found
• we went to the stars, but all we found was ourselves
• I still haven't found what I'm looking for
• I lived in interesting times, came to the attention of those in power, and found what I was looking for.
• I Was Lost and You Found Me
• Hello, I'm fucking your daughter
• Holy Shit! Man Walks on Fucking Moon!
• Piss without farting, die without fucking
• I will fucking REMOVE your writeups about Cloud Strife and how he's cool and mysterious and shit
• Hello, I'm your fucking daughter
• I'm not fucking bored
• I'm no fucking Buddhist, but this is Enlightenment.
• When at last I found no further traces of the living or the dead, then I stopped.
• I'm reading this like you're chewing with your mouth full
• His love was enormous; it cleared rooms that desperately wanted to be full.
• When I'm Sixty-Four
• The glass is half full when it comes to your life up until this point. The glass is half empty when it comes to everything you've missed out on.
• Fucking yes, I'm a fatphobe
• I know more when I'm alone
• When I'm long dead, the bee will win
• Holy shit, you mean I'm not invisible?
• I'm wishing Jesus was here again
• When I'm swept up by the Rapture, grab the wheel of my pick-up
• When the aliens attack my workplace, I'm going to be so damn READY
• Don't touch me when I'm screaming
• If my roommate doesn't keep his hands off my shit, I'm gonna fuck him up
• I've fucking HAD IT with you, you piece of shit!
• The day I found out I was a guy
• I'm a slasher... of prices!
• When I'm wearing a bonnet and sipping pretend tea with Miss Ponykins and Zippy the Ugly Zebra, that's when I feel the most like a man
• When I sneeze, I get cross, and when I get cross I'm liable to do something wicked.
• It’s memories that I’m stealing, but you’re innocent when you dream
• I'm so pissed I can't stand up
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• I'm always breathless when you call
• i feel alive when i'm close to the madness
• i'm a wiseguy when I'm drunk
• btw, I was raised on Twinkies, I'm certain it made a lasting effect
• I'm sorry, I didn't realize God was on campus today
• Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
• If I was any good at this, I would be getting paid
• before the internet when teen had REAL relationship the boy could look at the girl and judge the diameter of her thorax with his feelers and determine whether the mating ritual could commence but NO MORE. evil woman use her computer sorcery
• Alternatives to "Oh Shit!" when visiting the Great Aunts
• When life gives you shit
• Shit, piss, and corruption
• I used to think of sobriety as a purgatory, and that to be under the influence of drugs was relief from it. Now that I'm older I believe the opposite to be true.
• A poem I wrote when I was 5
• at least in dreams when shit gets ugly you can still fly and whistle
• Back when grunge was still cool
• Where were you when Kennedy was shot?
• Piero Manzoni
• what i'm trying to show you is something that i was shown
• Theories about the future that make you think "Holy shit, I'm scared!"
• She dumped me when she found out I'd been faking my Scottish accent
• When I Was a Boy
• It was late when he came home; it woke you up
• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• I didn't know such things when I was young
• There was a time when I was a better person
• When I was five
• When touch was simple
• when you asked what I was writing, this is what it was
• I wonder when I learned to smile when I was being hurt
• When that cow would walk it was like she was dancing
• Poetry you found that you wrote when you were ten but secretly still like

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