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I watched the full moon last night as I was driving home. I had just spent a lovely evening with the woman I think I have fallen in love with. And I don't think I'm ever going to see her again.

Angela, Angela, Angela. You are so gorgeous. Your skin is like the warmest, softest silk, the color of coffee with cream. Your sensual mouth, your honest eyes, your adorable nose, your sexy freckles. You are so divine. I am so besotted with you, I can't even speak when I'm near you. I stutter and act like a kid. I can't take my eyes off of your face.

We took our clothes off last night and held each other close. It was rapture to be held in your arms and feel your skin against mine. I fell even deeper into your oblivion last night. Your inner and outer beauty is simply perfection. You were even more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. You looked like a goddess to me last night.

And why can't I see you again? Because I am utterly miserable sharing you with your husband and your girlfriend. I keep trying to reconcile my desire to be near you with my unhappiness over sharing you with two other loves in your life. I don't think I can do it and be happy with what I get from you. And you're not leaving him. And I understand that. You two have a good, solid relationship. I want you to stay with him, that is what you want, and need, to be happy. I know you would leave her if I asked. You implied it last night when you called me and heard my tortured crying over the phone

I have no idea why it breaks my heart to share you. Two weeks ago I was fine with all of this, no problem, husband, no problem. Now - now - everything has changed. Because I've fallen in love with you. And I want all of your heart, not just some of it. And I can't have that, ever. And I know there is no possibility of us having any other kind of relationship than just dating. For instance - you will never, ever live with me, and it makes me just break down and cry. I've only known you for six weeks and I'm thinking like this.

I don't think I can see you any more, you beautiful woman. It's torture, just torture. I want to claim you as mine and I'm far too late for that. I love you, Angel. I won't ever forget you. And you've taught me two things I needed to learn. Lesson number one: I have no control over my feelings, and anytime I think I do, it is all pure illusion, and I am lying to myself. I need to remember this lesson. Lesson number two: I don't care if some one I love sleeps around, (I think this is true, but I am not 100% sure) but I do care if their heart is divided. I guess there are more lessons, but I can't think of any more.

But making the decision has already made me feel better, some relief. So I know it's the right one. At least, until I hear her voice again, when she calls me later today - and I have to say goodbye, or something. I am afraid to see her again, and there is no way I can say goodbye on the phone. She deserves more than that, and I want to see her face one more time.

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