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I own an axe. I don't know why. I guess I should start at the beginning...

A friend of mine worked at a sears hardware store in strip mall that also featured a wall mart, a video game store, and a beauty supply store. I was wandering around the store looking at things waiting for him to get off his shift when I saw her. Sitting in a rack with others like her, yet not the same. She had a brilliant yellow fiberglass body. A head that was coated in black except for the slight glinting edge where the black had been filed off to make her sharp. With some trepidation I picked her up, and I knew I had found my place in life. I had to wait a couple of weeks for the dowry money. My 18th birthday came, and with money in hand I went. I skipped school to get there early. It had been weeks maybe months since I had first seen her. I got to the store and had to wait 2 hours for them to open. The time came, the doors opened and I went directly to her. I left the store feeling powerful and accomplished. My new axe glinting in the sun on her thinly filed edges.

I got home and marveled at the axe. Its pure and simple design without extraneous bits. Perfect for the one function it was designed for. It was at this point that I realized I had no use for it. I live in a city. I would have to drive for at least a half hour to chop any trees down. Frankly I like trees and wouldn't cut any down anyway. But there must have been a reason for the purchase. We all have the hope in the back of our minds that zombies will start attacking. As unlikely as that is to happen people pay house insurance for lightning strikes. So I'm not that out of line am I?

In fact to this date the only thing the axe has done (besides sitting in my room) was to cause quite a concern with my mother. Now while she and I may not have been on the best of terms I felt her fear of my newly purchased axe was unwarranted. Can you imagine the mess that would make? She knows I hate to clean.

Sure one might cast it aside as an impulse buy. But this impulse had to wait for nearly a month before fullfillment. To this day I still feel joy from looking at it or picking it up and feeling the heft. Swinging it around just seems crude. Like someone who just learned stick driving a Ferrari. Granted its purpose is to be swung, but the design is so flawless it doesn't need to be swung. She emotes graceful arcs and the splitting of wood. To swing it would be pointing out the obvious.

While it has never been used, it can certainly be used for something. It never hurts to have tools available.

Just think how jealous you'll be when the zombies start attacking and you don't have an axe ready. Sure guns are more efficient. But I'll never run out of ammo.

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