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Tonight, I cannot deal with being a failure, not even being remotely close to it. They have told me I’m not, that it doesn’t matter. I fought. Am I not proud of myself?

There are strange motions in the mirror, faces I have thought forgotten, voices that came to me before, from a world gone. Sometimes, he tells me…you remember so much of what you cannot. I have always been asked why I am so beyond understandable. Idle explanations, words like complicated and complex have saved me from baring my soul. Selflessly giving all to someone has not paid off. There is no such thing.

I have wanted to be wanted, longed to be loved, needed to know that I am worthy. And now all I know is a tired heart, many years more than necessary. So, I lay the cards on the table for all to see. Some talk around my memories, others do not bother. Many fear too much. Not you.

All you say is;

for now, I'll be indifferent.
Because that’s what I do.

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