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I really do try, but sometimes it can just be so hard. Society's bullshit can be quite tempting.

Head over heels I've fit in before.....

I walk down a the street, bullshit is everywhere. I see a Mcdonald's, and my mouth begins to water. Subconsciously, I drift towards the thought of food. I am sooo hungry. Then my morals kick in. I tell myself I refuse to eat at McDonald's remember? They destroy our precious rainforests to raise their cattle. So, I inevitably force myself onward.

Now I don't wanna do it no more.....

On my right, a Nike shoe shop juts out from around the corner. Even a human rights fanatic like myself admits that many of their shoes are pretty nifty and stylish. But no! I cannot go into that store. It is they who condone the use of sweatshops in foreign countries, and I know that a child not much younger than myself probably labored long and hard for about a dollar a week to make that perfect shoe. Relunctantly, I move on.

I wanna be who I wanna be.....

From some unseen corner, the smell of pot assualts my nasal cavity. While I am perhaps least tempted to try pot than I am anything else, I still feel the pull. Why anyone would want to damage one's body and cloud one's mine either to just fit in or simply to get high is beyond me. But almost against all logic I have ever known, I can still faintly feel the seduction of mary jane, and the it smells stronger than ever. Still, I continue on my way.

Guess that's just hard for other's to see.

There is a liquor store on the corner. I've only been drunk once...and it's something I'll never do again. I still am trying to decide if I'll drink even when I come of age. Yet, there's something alluring about the fact that I know I could probably waltz on in there and grab a beer if I so desired - and in a strange way, I do. But, like pot, it's against everything I think I stand for. With effort, I cross the street and leave the alcohol alone.

I'm not a trendy, you asshole.....

I see half naked girls everywhere. On the billboards, in the shops, even walking around me. Sex is probably the most tempting of them all. I'll admit I'm not completely chaste - but I am a strong believer for close intimacy only in a strong relationship. Still, it's hard for a teenager to control his hormones, and knowing that I probably could get laid if I so desired makes it all the much worse. Everybody else is doing it, so why shouldn't I? It takes a moment to remind myself that I am not everyone else. So, with desire still burning in my mind, I try and shut the images out.

Do what I want, do what I feel like....

All over the place...Buy this! Buy that! You need this! This will make you stronger. Everywhere I turn, corporate America has a foothold. I see inconspicuous comsumption at every turn and this, at least, I am reviled by. How can we consume so much when half the world starves? Who are we to take so much away from these people. I sigh, knowing that I too, am part of the problem, simply by living in such a country. Still, every little bit helps. So I reluctantly pass up that CD player I don't need, or the base guitar that I really want, and instead I try to give my money (as little of it as I possess), to a cause that actually needs it. This is perhaps the hardest hypocracy to swallow. My thoughts filled with sorrow, I quickly move forever onward.

I'm not a trendy, you asshole; don't give a fuck if it's good enough for you.....

I walk down this street - both physically and metaphorically- and these are the thoughts that run through my young mind. Here I am still trying to make up my mind about who I am and what I believe, but always conformity beckons. This is the bullshit that I try not to eat. Society seems to want to dress, talk, act, live a certain way, and because there are those that do, the temptation can be enormous. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose, for the road of life is filled with trials. But I always try to remember that I must choose for myself, and not let others make those decisions for me. Someday, I will discover who I truly am. But, for now, I walk down the street filled with the bullshit of a society hungary for conformists and I close my mind to those who wish me to become a trendy. All the while, I repeat to myself the lyrics of a song by my favorite band that has become somewhat of a mantra....

Head over heels I've fit in before,
Now I don't wanna do it no more,
I wanna be who I wanna be,
Guess that's hard for others to see.

I'm not a trendy, you asshole,
Do what I want, do what I feel like
I'm not a trendy, you asshole
Don't give a fuck if it's good enough for you.

Cause I am alive,
Cause I am alive...
Cause I am alive!

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