...who thought it was okay to be treated like an object.
...
I felt as though I was lucky to get attention from the "beautiful" boys, the beautiful
players. I fell for the same game, every time. I allowed myself to be walked on,
used, abused,
manipulated,
fucked.
Blinded.
...and now???
I'm scared.
Afraid of messing up a gift bestowed upon me... The gift of respect (a nurturing male)... Someone who doesn't feel burdened when in my company...
This is something so entirely new to me, it's nearly impossible for me to logically comprehend.
It is instinct to think he is needy, but maybe he just cares?
I am afraid of pushing him away, afraid of feeling smothered, afraid of falling in too deep with no way out, afraid of hurting him as I've been hurt - afraid of myself.