"I would like to return this bread," said the man standing with a loaf of freshly baked bread.
He'd been standing on the line for the customer service window for forty minutes with the bread, holding it by the tied end of the bag it was in. All he wanted to do was return the bread.
"Why would you like to return that bread?"
"I don't like it."
"Did you open the bag and eat some of it?"
"I did not. The bag is unmolested."
"I would prefer you not use that term."
"What term?" asked the man as he tried to place the loaf of bread on the counter and was rebuffed in these efforts.
"The term 'unmolested,' because I was molested as a child and the use of that word brings back painful memories."
"That sounds like it would make a good nodeshell leading to a lot of crappy writeups from emo kids."
"Yes, that is why I asked that it be hardlinked."
"So, can I return this bread?"
"How do you know you don't like it if the bag is unopened and none of the bread was consumed?"
"I felt uneasy."
"You felt uneasy?"
"That's right."
"In what way?"
"In any number of ways." The man tried again to put the bread on the counter and was rebuffed once again. "When I got into my car I felt uneasy about being in possession of the bread. So, I would like to return it."
"I'm not understanding your reasoning at all."
"All I want to do is return the bread."
"The date on that bread is four days ago."
"I'm sorry if I misled you, I didn't mean to lie. I bought the bread four days ago and felt uneasy at that time. When I got home I continued to feel uneasy and then could not bring myself to even attempt to open the bag. This has caused me a lot of mental stress, so can I just return it?"
"Yeah, sure. Fuck it. I don't care."