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And that’s the way it always is, and that’s the way it always was, wondering again and again if ever ever ever I’ll find myself when I’m ready, if perhaps this time it could be real and something like everything everyone said it would be. That’s the problem, I just don’t think it could be like that so I search and search and I find a way that it could be, just different. Because I can’t do it like everyone else, I can’t be like everyone else, I’m not like everyone everything else. There’s got to be something, something to set me apart, something, anything. Please, something.

that’s not it.

And now you’ve got me doubting, wondering again, questioning everything again, if maybe I could be everything you want me to be without the simple courtesy of returning the favor.

Everyone tells me that I could do it someday, maybe not now, just someday with someone. But I want it to be now, with you, but not like that. I’m not like that. Because they say that’s how it is, I don’t think that’s how it is, I don’t think it has to be like that, please tell me you don’t want it like that.

I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re gone.

Sometimes I wonder, I imagine, you and me and everything, and I think it’s perfect. Until I think.

And maybe this is just a part of life, we’re not so old yet that we have to know it all, that we have to have it figured out, maybe we’re just still looking and trying it all until we find what is it we’re looking for.

But I want you to be what I’m looking for.

And I think it’s just because I don’t want to do it all again, because I’ve lived so much already and breathed so many in already and I don’t think I can do it anymore and here you are in my arms but not quite - and I think, but if I could have THIS I’d be satisfied. Sated.

But I wonder.

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