I wanted to be ripped apart
by life
instead, it seems I made her
uncomfortable with my bids
for attention
one-minded, vantablack
oh, there is a carnage in me.
gelled, shivering and nerves
taut as skin stretched over a drum,
what use of is this arm
this mind,
this heart?
To be ripped apart,
is the only sane response.
I dreamed there were a
million fingers inside of me,
and somehow needed a million more
I dreamed love gave me a mask,
then ripped it off, laughing
I dreamed I begged for vivisection,
to alchemize this soul into good
and spat gold into cups
leaking big gold drops
flaked it off til
I was the world and the world
was unraveled light.