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It seems so simple. You want to teach someone a lesson, or maybe (heaven forbid) do away with them. Doing away with them personally, would be dangerous and time-consuming, however. Who do you turn to?

Or maybe you're just the staffing guy at the local counter-terrorism branch of the police department, and you're short a few men. What to do?

Disposable Plastic Assassins can be helpful, but let's face it...we're wrecking the biosphere fast enough as it is. All that wasted plastic isn't helping at all. And hiring your own time share ninja death squad on call will also solve the problem, but then you'd spend the rest of your life worrying about potential blackmail. Can't there be a reasonable, eco-safe, yet discreet way of finalizing your target?

Fear not, fellow vigilantes! The inflatable, biodegradable counter-terrorist assault monkeys are here!

Just inflate these little wonders, hand over the assassination dossier, and watch them go! Using the latest in inflatable weaponry, these simians will track down and eliminate your mark in record time. As soon as the job is over, simply push the self-destruct device*, and there's NO MORE EVIDENCE! The monkeys will dissolve into a pasty, yellowish mass that is great for the plant life, and harmless to animals and children! What could be better?

Inflatable, biodegradable counter-terrorist assault monkeys are available in olive drab, arctic white, ninja black, and paisley. They are available at any S-Mart location.

Monkeys not legal in some states. Valid library card required for purchase.

*Self destruct device not included in basic package. See store manager for details and pricing.

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