My name is Alonzo. I am a Perfect Logician.
At six o'clock in the morning, my alarm clock rings.
I instantly get out of bed, for to linger would be illogical since I set the clock for that time.
I like my profession; how could I not? Some would say it's boring or predictable, but those kinds of people would be wrong for the job.
I, on the other hand, am perfect for the job:
- I can always determine the color of my hat
- I know what to ask of the liar and the truth teller
- I can always cross the river without losing any animals
Whenever the Great Puzzle Oracle needs a perfect logician, it calls upon me or any of my friends, however many it needs.
Since I and my friends are all Perfect Logicians, it doesn't matter which of us it chooses.
(In fact, it once tried to hire Quine to choose for it, but of course he had to refuse because there would be no logical way to choose one over any other.)
Despite that, my friend Venn once told me that I would never be on a job together with my friend Guiseppe.
Since Venn is also a Perfect Logician, I worked out why he was right, and we never have been.
Today I'm offered a job. Generally, the more Perfect Logicians a job requires, the longer it will last.
This one promises to last a while because the prospectus says that this job will require enough logicians to factor 5273629977158.
It'll give me plenty of time to ruminate on some problems I haven't solved yet.
Of course, I can't get any help because the jobs almost always stipulate that we Logicians cannot communicate with one another.
That's okay; if there's an answer, I will undoubtedly discover it.
I reply with my acceptance, leave two weeks of food for Kurt the cat, and start off.
A silly story inspired by the sending to me of a logician puzzle by Luke, my friend of whom any Perfect Logician would approve.