Jack Bauer

For thousands of years, ninjas have been the prevailing force of justice in the universe. Of all those that have learned from and lived as ninjas in today's society, one man stands far above the rest. This man is American CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit) agent Jack Bauer.

AT A GLANCE; Bauer is dangerously awe inspiring. A muscular build and many dark clothes make him the ideal embodiment of the modern ninja, while still allowing him to blend in easily with civilians. Of course, there is far more to being a ninja than physical attributes and clothing.

ABILITY TO KILL PEOPLE; As protectors of the helpless and innocent, ninjas are required to kill people ALL THE TIME. Bauer certainly does this, killing approximately thirty people every twenty four hours. In addition to this, Bauer has engaged in covert operations in the middle east where he has inadvertently killed WOMEN AND CHILDREN. The ability to kill indiscriminately and with minimal remorse is one of those things that brings Bauer closer to being THE ULTMATE NINJA.

FLIPPING OUT; Ninjas flip out extremely often, usually killing a person or small country. Bauer has flipped out on several occasions, the most memorable of which include:

• When someone attempted to kill a presidential candidate, Bauer flipped out, pulled a gun and beat up many secret service agents, before jumping to safety.



• After capturing the guy that kidnapped his wife, Bauer flipped out and beat the guy with a car.



• In trying to rescue his wife and daughter, Bauer flipped out and killed a lot of people.



• When falsely informed that his daughter was dead, Bauer flipped out and killed a lot more people with two pistols and car.

Through these and other events, Bauer has caused good to prevail over evil by totally flipping out.

SEPPUKU; Ninjas sometimes practice this honorable form of suicide when super pissed but with no one else to kill. No other ninja has ever reached the same level as Bauer in this field. Super pissed at the death of his wife and his estrangement with his daughter, Bauer attempted to commit seppuku with a NUCLEAR BOMB.

DISMEMBERING; Another important activity in ninja culture is dismembering people. Bauer has done this on many occasions, including:

• Cutting off the finger of an attacker to determine their identity.



• Cutting a flash memory device out of a dead commando's chest in order to get two audio files necessary to prevent a global war.



• Cutting a guy's head TOTALLY OFF and carrying it IN A BAG.

In executing these surgical field procedures, Bauer has proven himself to be a practiced ninja and totally awesome.

HOT BABES; Like any true ninja, Bauer has had many hot babes in his life. These include his deceased wife Terri, former colleague and undercover terrorist Nina, and rescued kidnap victim Kate.

THE BAUER LEGACY; Bauer's daughter Kim is clearly a ninja in training, having flipped out on many occasions and caused people physical harm. She has also set fires, and shot a guy's car window totally out. As her love interests keep getting shot or maimed, it is likely that she will soon prefer babes as ninjas do. In years to come, Kim will most certainly become a valued member of the ninja community.

From his extreme acts of flipping out, attempted seppuku and dismembering, it is clearly obvious that Jack Bauer is history's greatest ninja - a position he is unlikely to lose anywhere in the near future.