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Transcript of my real, honest to blog craigslist profile I just uploaded.

ABSTRACT

I'm trying really hard to make it seem as if I'm not trying.

THESIS

I am one of those really funny, intelligent guys that has been in College Station for far too long. I am looking to finish my degree (B.S in Psychology) and get the hell out of here. But while I'm here, why not make the most of it?

I wake up early every morning. I really, honestly think I could make it as a writer. I have a fairly high working vocabulary, and I read as much as time permits. I'm not saying I'm smarter than you, I'm just saying: be prepared. My ex-boyfriend used to call me Brenda, which is a Six Feet Under reference.

If you didn't have to Wikipedia that, you are in the pro column.

I think In The Aeroplane Over the Sea is just about as close to a perfect album as one can get. I have nothing bad to say about Wes Anderson. If I could be a 60 foot tall mechanized Jorge Luis Borges with lasers and labyrinth-weaving action, I would rule the world.

I am studying Russian. I can (if need be) tell you that things are chairs, tables, pens, pencils, windows, or floors. "Eta stule? Nyet, eta ne stule, eta karandash!" Useful, right? I mean, who hasn't had the "That's not a chair, that's a pencil" conversation with grandma?

She's getting old.

When people ask, I tell them I am a Buddhist. I am so enlightened that I have progressed past a state of needing to know anything about a religion to profess to follow it. Want proof? Ask me anything about Buddhism. I know nothing. Then again, I don't know anything about the Vietnam War, but I'm sure as hell out there shaking my cup every day. Sitting on your legs all day is a bitch.

Perhaps I've said too much.

EXPERIMENTAL DESIGN

A man, a plan, a shotgun, nugt oh s anal panama!

CONCLUSIONS

E-mail me, and maybe we'll become great friends or lovers or whathaveyou.

Our family is in the process of moving from one side of the Atlantic to the other, as a result of which we are very frequently thousands of miles apart. Now is one such time.

Last night an email from my mother popped into my inbox, which I only read this afternoon. Apparently my father had a stroke very early yesterday morning and is numb down one side of his body. He's had a history of this, and usually it has cleared within minutes, but this one hasn't. He'll be in and out of hospital while they do more scans.

My family only left a few weeks ago, and I'll be following on in a few more. It seems rather cruel that this should happen in the relatively short time we are out of each other's reach.


Update: According to a recent telephone call from my mother, he has no motor impairment, although one side of his body is tingly. So hopefully it isn't too serious.

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