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Your friend Behr (me) who you support in all his endeavors has new information for you.

First of all you need to STOP mowing your lawn now.

The problem is threefold. The first is that it has been brought to my attention that plants have feelings and achieved full consciousness in 1878. This needs to concern you. It needs to concern you right now. It needs to control everything you do in every facet of every single second of every day of your life. You are hurting the grass by cutting it. You are hurting the trees by pruning them. Leave well enough alone and get away from the plants they have an agenda. Right now we do not know what that agenda is but they are coming for us. They have their minds FIXED on revenge and they WILL have it. Believe me. They WILL HAVE IT.

We must be ready by making peace with them now. Go out naked into a public garden at this time. Prance about to music that exists only in your head. Tell everyone that questions you to go fuck themselves. This is the answer.

As you know, I am a proud climate change warrior working on behalf of the environment.

For the love of all that is holy please, please, please stop cutting your lawns. I cannot emphasize this enough. Water the plants. Bring them gifts from Jared's (which is a well known jewelry store I see on the television). Introduce them to the narrow parts of your genitalia. Show them. Show them you care. Show them with erection or vaginal moistness. This is what they respond best to. Vaginal moistness.

Do it. Do it now. I have to get into the quantum accelerator and go back to 1878 to see if I can figure this out. Rico has jimmied the machine so I can travel outside of my lifetime. I am close to achieving my ultimate goal of total control.

My friends.

Today I'll share some bad news I just heard. 

An old friend of mine from university recently moved back to Ontario after living in Alberta for many years. I messaged her to see how she's doing. Her mom is sick, so she got a transfer to the city where her mother's doctor is and then moved her mother in with her. She's basically looking after her now. Her mother has an aggressive form of lung cancer and will be lucky if she can live for another 2 years. 

Damn.

Today my mother told me about my cousin, the one closest to my age who I used to play with when we were kids. I haven't seen him in years, partly due to distance, partly because he's usually working on the rare occasions that I do come to visit. He and his wife have 4 kids. They broke up the same week that my ex-fiance and I broke up. The (soon-to-be) ex-wife was living with her parents, who now decided for some reason to sell their house and leave her with nowhere to live. She doesn't make much money, and affordable housing is difficult to find in their city. My cousin moved out already and is living in a basement apartment. He's the one who did something. My aunt is worried about the grandkids and is probably thinking about letting them move in with her, but my grandmother told her she shouldn't. She's 67 and not in the greatest health. One of the kids has difficulties, to the point that CAS got involved. I don't really know what that's about, except that it's not a good situation to be in. 

I did not see that coming.

Hearing those two stories make me realize how much worse my own situation could be. I'm lucky that I have a place to live, even though I'm not exactly thrilled to be living with my parents again. Nobody I love or care about is dying (yet). I don't have a bunch of kids to worry about supporting, nor do I need to get a divorce. I feel bad that these other people are dealing with shitty situations, but I also feel relieved that I'm not them. Thank god I don't have to deal with any of that.

ANYWAY.

I finally sucked it up this weekend and filed my taxes. Since I'm technically a small business, my deadline is June 15. I filed on June 16. Not bad. I paid the amount I owe according to the assessment. So long as the numbers don't change with the re-assessment, it's all taken care of. I also paid off my Visa card balance and deposited my paycheck today. For Father's Day, my brother and I took our parents out for dinner and split the bill. I was happy to be able to do that. Until recently, I've been too damn broke to buy myself clothes or other shit that I want, let alone treat anyone to dinner. That felt good. I also received another payment for my freelance editing, which I will convert to CA dollars this week. Money money money!! I'm gonna go on an online shopping spree! And then I'll order a bunch of clothes through my workplace, which I can get for a crazy discount. I'm tired of not having clothes. I want clothes! I want a new set of wind chimes! A new watch to replace the one my ex bought me that I'm still wearing! 

Stuff!!

Things!!

Buy!!

It!!

All!!

I'll do that for a month or two, maybe until August. Then I'll act like an adult again and deal with my student loan balance.

The garden is doing well. I've planted everything except for the bee balm. I need to get more soil and build a small garden bed next to the hummingbird feeder at the side of the house. The bee balm can go there, along with the snapdragon seeds. We put the feeder in front of the basement window so my cat can watch the hummingbirds all summer. Damn, that cat is spoiled. 

Oh, other good news. I'm back in touch with the woman I was best friends with at age 10. She still lives in the area. We're meeting up for a coffee this week. I haven't hung out with her in over 10 years, so I can't help but feel nervous. There's a story behind that friendship, but I'll save it for another day.

Thanks for reading, E2 peeps. 

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