On job hunting and soul searching
Job hunting is still on. It has come with an ugly realization (that, mind you, might not be true and it's just the depression talking): I don't know how to do anything
Now, that's patently false, of course. I do know how to do lots of things, but they don't fit neatly into the boxes propposed in job openings. Of course I don't know the slightest about «marketing», «accounting» and other profession-specific topics of knowledge. But I'd like to say that in this decade of mostly living on my own I've learned to do lots of things, it's just that they've been in very broad areas and for relatively short periods.
I did work as an engineer, but the company flopped and I haven't worked in that specific area for years. I did work as a phone tech support guy, I did work at a museum, I do have a Masters in a very specific area of knowledge. I don't know that much about software and programming, but that's because all I know I've learned mostly on my own or through «online courses» which are a fancier way of studying on my own. And on and on and on...
And also there's the subject of an «appropriate» job. At the risk of coming as a pretentious millennial, I do want a job where the time/money combination somewhat reflects my experience and knowledge. Of course I could take a job as a cashier at the 24-hour store around the corner, but I fear that can quickly become a sap on my physical and mental energies. I wish for something that will at least give me enough resources to live on my own. My definition of «quality of life» is not only dependent on the number printed on the check, but in my time available for myself and my «passion projects».
I don't need the fancy loft. I was happy living in that semi-rural city because I could exercise, had a short commute, never lacked basic resources and had the majority of my paycheck to myself. It was a small one-bedroom apartment, but it was the best home I've had for myself.
I wish for that kind of bliss.
The above mental ramblings are paired with my recent actual organization of personal projects and their subsequent growth. Ever since I tried
todo.txt for tracking my tasks and projects, I've found myself advancing them almost every day without fail, and that brings me intense mental pleasure.
Yes, there's the crushing anxiety over being out of a job, but looking at my list of projects to work on every night helps quell that feeling. I can pick out of several potential things to do according to my energy levels and desires.
Currently, my project list looks like this, in no particular order:
- Tech consulting for a friend's online course
- Personal blog
- Experiments with bots/automation in Python
- Experiments with pseudo-random text generation in Tracery
- Writing letters (that yes, are sent through email, but are long form personal writing)
- Maintenance of the Final Fantasy V Four Job Fiesta Handbook
- Pending articles to read from my small but still alive blogroll
- Writing a novel with the Snowflake Method
- Going paperless
- Personal podcast
- "Shared" podcast
- Feeding the Zettelkasten
It's a lot, and there's still some more I haven't established properly. I know that projects are like unread books and writing topics: always increasing faster than the actual capacity of finishing them. There are projects that have been left to live on their own, some that have been declared officially dead. Most of these will be abandoned a few years down the line.
But they help me feel alive.
I do realize the apparent futility of advancing this kind of silly things to do at the same time that I'm complaining about my lack of «real-life» expertise. But... I don't know. I have no answers.
I hope I had.
Postscript: If softlinking tp Terence, This Is Stupid Stuff
was meant as an insult, it had the exact opposite effect as intended: I laughed a lot by the absurdity of it :)