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I have had quite a time of it today. Your friend Behr ran into some old associates, the Sweaty Betties of Northern France. You may not know about them but they were almost wiped out in the 1940s when the evil "Allies" invaded Europe and destroyed the peace, tranquility, and industriousness that the Germans had brought about through peaceable winning solutions. The invasion destroyed the tribal village that the Sweaty Betties of Northern France had inhabited for hundreds of years. This was an all-female tribe of obscure origins because of the patriarchy (Internet kiddie term) which farmed and made lentil soup for the poor and heavily salted it as a joke. They were and are wise women.

I ran into two of their advance guard on the Utica town green this morning. I was having my coffee and roasted nuts on a park bench, thinking about the imaging chamber and how much I enjoy various kinds of wursts. Bratwurst and Knockwurst are two to look up if you are interested in living the wurst possible life. How many times in your life can you say you have achieved the ultimate orgasm? It will be more when you live the wurst life.

I digress from the topic at hand, which was how I ran into the Sweaty Betties of Northern France. They have aged over the years and are like old crones now dispensing wisdom along with tainted candy to children which they insist they eat as much of as possible. There is a good reason for this. It is not evil. These are not witches. These are the Sweaty Betties of Northern France and they were almost wiped out by Eisenhower's foolhardy invasion. Now, they have come to me with new wisdoms, although they will not try to poison me because I've already torn out most of my internal organs, thrown them in the trash to prove medical science wrong, died because of it, went to Hades where I received a battlefield promotion to Joan Crawford's work group, came back to the surface to work on behalf of "The Devil," was taken to the Cloud City by an angelic woman who taught me about love and goodness, returned to the surface very confused, went on a journey across Europe with a madcap fellowship, was "leaped into" by someone named Dr. Sam Beckett, took over his time travel operation, railroaded him into prison, and am now hiding out in a cabin in Utica because the FBI is looking for me on thousands of outstanding warrants for very serious violent crimes. So, to make a long story short, they know I won't be taken down by poisonous candy and so they will not try.

They are my friends. They are friends Sweaty Betties of Northern France, not to be confused with the Sketchy Gals of Northern California. That is a different group and not one I consult with. I will seek them out someday.

The Sweaty Betties of Northern France were unaware of my time travel prowess, and so I did not lead them on about this. Instead, as they asked me why I was walking through town with no pants on again, I told them that I knew something about the Zodiac killer and also that my father was last seen working in a cloning lab in Brazil in the 1950s, sewing monkey heads onto human chests as a side gig. They became distracted and did not ask any questions about time travel, so I told them I was working as a warrior to fight against climate change. They suggested we obtain a nuclear warhead, build a satellite, and then laser the surface of the planet once we have taken enough people to start a new society in space. I told them this was crazy and I was adverse to use of nuclear warheads because of how they have been used in the past to bully the peaceful Japanese Empire into surrender. The people of Japan are a small hobbitlike people who smoke pot and drink ale all the time. They didn't deserve what the evil Allies did to them after they wronged my native Germany. I can't stomach that sort of thing, so I told them "hard no on the warhead, ladies."

I failed to make love to them, keeping alive the incomplete sex streak I've had going on since my last successful venture in 1979. I will give you a go if you give me your address. When you hear rapping on your window and see my twisted expression and visible boner, you will know this was a sound decision that you made when you gave me your address where you are. Give me an old address you haven't lived in since 1978. It will be safer for you. When I don't take my anti-violence pills, when I forget due to not having wives, I cannot be trusted. I have roasted and eaten the children of people who cared for me just to see their expressions when they came home from work to see me gnawing on their young one's thigh bones. Terrible stuff. Avoid it. Don't let me know where you live. I am wanted for serious crimes in 18 countries and The Hague has been hunting me down for "war crimes" (Internet kiddie term) for decades due to my actions as Superhero figure the Bear of Berlin who killed thousands of Red Army soldiers with his mouth and X-Man type hand.

Rico says the quantum accelerator is almost ready for my trip to the moment where the trees and plants achieved full consciousness in 1878, exactly 101 years before the last time I had completed sex with a woman. Coincidence? I don't think so.

The trees await.

My friends.

It was a long, but not terrible day at work which is probably not as bad as it sounds. I passed my test, so I am officially licensed to sell cars at one specific dealership in the state of Wisconsin. The woman behind the counter at the DMV was super nice, and that really helped. Despite studying for what I thought was more than a decent amount of time, I got six wrong, one because I didn't read the question carefully enough. The others were worded strangely, and some I honestly did not know, or got confused between two similar questions, but since all is well that ends well, I left feeling a lot of different things.

One was a large sense of relief. You can retake the exam after twenty-four hours so it's not that big of a deal if you fail, still, I was glad to have accomplished what I did the first time around. There's a bank of computers with ancient headphones you can wear if you would like to listen to what is being displayed on the screen. Sometimes this was helpful. It was also nice to hear the word; 'CORRECT', during the times when it was appropriate. It was also nice that they showed you the right answer after you got one wrong. The exam was $13.00, and while I was happy to have such a low fee, I wondered at how they could afford to keep the program running at those prices.

My boss wasn't in today which was a mixed blessing. I'm glad he had a much needed day off if he was actually off and not attending some training or some other something work related. He's coming back to a stack of work in his in-box, and I feel bad that one of those things is my rehe enquest for a reimbursal of my fee, but also know that should be a simple matter for him. At the event we had a drawing to win a vehicle for a weekend. Those were clipped together and sitting on his desk for him to go through. Obviously they are designed to generate leads, and I don't know why, but that kind of thing always gives me an uneasy feeling. I prefer to be straightforward about that type of thing. 

It was a lonely day, I wanted to be able to celebrate after passing my test, but it was back to my office for more studying. I had a couple of teary moments sometime before six when I was texting my middle sister, but I managed to pull myself through. One thing I am going to have to watch is how much I snack. Anxiety plus boredom is a terrible weight loss program. I did find a five minute Pilates video designed for the working person, and even though the woman demonstrating the moves was in amazing shape, it was a simple enough routine, and really helped, especially the side stretches, and head hanging.

Every day I am learning more, growing, becoming more familiar with the culture, routines, and expectations. I still feel as if the job is overall a good fit for me. One of the last videos I started was about winter tires, and if anyone needs some in depth product knowledge, I have several pages full of notes. Don't ask me why that kind of thing is so interesting to me, but I was ready to buy a winter car kit in the middle of June <insert shocked face emoji> that presentation was so effective. I will probably go back to that one again so I'm glad the training is always available to me. I love it when people are passionate about what they do, and can give logical reasons for customers to purchase products other than, we make money on this.

That's it for today, I need to find some way to release all of this after work energy and frustration.

Xoxo,

Jess

P.S. It's really nice to be able to get my car washed at work. I also found out that I get a discount on parts which I'm excited about. Cheers!

j

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