June 24, 2010

The Universe At Balance: Isner v. Mahut

Today, the third consecutive day of the thrilling John Isner v. Nicolas Mahut tennis match will begin at Wimbledon. Currently, each player is tied with a score of 4-6, 6-3, 7-6, 6-7, 59-59; yesterday's seven-hour marathon of play ended with Mahut essentially begging the umpire for mercy, claiming there was too little light in the sky for visibility. It's more likely he was verging on collapse from exhaustion. His opponent Isner, though just as tired, actually objected to the stoppage, probably because it came just one game after he had a match point, his first since the 33rd game. The crowd, instinctively sensing blood, urged the athletes onward. But to no avail.

This grossly inflated score represents a rare and potentially unique cosmic phenomenon where two combatants, so finely balanced in skill, are completely unable to defeat each other. In this case, both Isner and Mahut specialize in power serves, and as the game dragged on, lacked the strength to counter the other's thundering service game. Each player broke serve only twice in the fifth set, representing just 3.3% of the games played, and they combined for a shocking 193 aces (Isner with a slight advantage there with 98). They were just hammering each other to death with big serves, and as they lost energy, found themselves less and less able to return effectively.

As this match enters its 10th hour, it'll be interesting to see if some rest will upset this balance. More likely, each player will be at less than optimal strength, so the possibility of seeing this set go to 70-70 or even 80-80 is not out of the question. It's also possible that these cosmically-balanced souls will battle each other unto eternity, like a slowly decaying sine wave. Who knows. But it would be funny if one of them won it in the first two games.

It goes without saying that this is the longest-ever match in Grand Slam history.

Update: John Isner finally won the fifth set 70-68 after eleven hours of play.

i have an extreme command of the English language as well as several others, including Luciferian, Enochian, Asmodeish, and Japanese, so if you are lucky I will contribute some tomes about those languages but probably I will focus on what it takes to become a good necromancer because there is much less about that out there on the Internet.

first I should say that I am not a pro necromancer yet but I’m getting pretty close and my master (who I will talk about another time) says I have “the dark spark” innate in all truly great necromancers. sometimes I feel like it’s all an uphill battle and I am not actually getting any closer to summoning the dead but when that feeling comes over me I just get myself pumped up by reminding myself that I have THE DARK SPARK. I yell it from my porch and I hear the dogs howl their agreement. I scream it proud and loud at the top of my lungs and I scream it into the faces of people on the street but all they do is prove that the world isn’t ready for the kind of HEAT I’m bringing and that they are close-minded assholes. So I go back to my sanctum and try to think about how I can refine my strongest INCANTATIONS and ATTACK SPELLS.

so even though I’m not a master yet I still know more than pretty much everyone else I know so I hope some people can learn from me if they want to. As for me I am 21 years old and I live in Valdosta, Georgia but actually I seceded my personal property from the USA because of prohibitive necromancy laws and started a micronation. So really I live in the BLACKTHORNE MANOR REPUBLIC, which is the acre my family owns. But for official papers and forms and stuff I just write VALDOSTA because it is easier to write.

I keep messing up on smoke potions and escape spells which will probably be a problem sometime so recently I am working on my flips. FLIPPING has been used as a dodge technique for thousands of years and all those kung-gu guys cant be wrong, especially if the art has lasted this long. so in my backyard I spread out a bunch of comforters and an air mattress and I practice doing the flips. Sometimes I think about Helen naked when I practice because it keeps my flips ROCK HARD. I release my chi (energy) at the beginning of each flip with a feral snarl that explodes into a rage-filled "HEYAGH!" And then I do the flip. front-ways is no problem and I can land it. back-ways is more difficult and sometimes I fall but when I get hurt I just take it as a lesson in pain endurance and meditate for a few minutes before I go back to practice. my neighbor says he has no patients for my yelling and he thought I was starting a fight club back there (he wishes) but then when he saw it was just me practicing flips in my NECROMANCER ROBES he called me a disrespectful name and told me to “shut the fuck up”. my neighbor is KIRK HALE and he was in my chemistry class in high school and from one of my nine mouths I will sing the demon song that ends his world. i have had his name on a list since before the dawn of time.

that is all for now but i will write back soon with some more general information about how to get started in the dark arts. for now just remember to tend well to your dark spark. thanks.

I think I'm overly obsessed with efficiency. The tinniest bit of waste is not always such a bad thing. A good example is when I play Warcraft III, which I've been doing a lot of recently. I think I use just the Blademaster a lot because I can't stand all the units dying when you make a lot of them. My micro (individually controlling units) is not very good when there are lots of possible units to control. I've been trying to make bigger armies lately, though, and just overwhelming my opponent.

I'm boiling water right now, I should check on it.

Soup is served.

You see, the old pan/pot I used to boil water in got cracked when I forgot I was boiling water. So it's been a long time since I've boiled. I spent $6 at the Salvation Army today. Basically $4 on soup making stuff and $2 on ice making stuff. The funny thing about the ice stuff is that my refrigerator makes ice. It's not hooked up to a water line for some reason though. I kind of forgot I could make ice cubes the non-old fashioned way, since I wrote off getting my refrigerator hooked up properly as something that would probably be more expensive than I wanted to do.

So Ramen is back on the menu. This probably sounds pretty unexciting to you. But the stuff I make for myself is pretty limited, and the Ramen will help. Ice water is going to rock too. I don't think I've been drinking enough water when I'm at home lately. I blame the lack of ice. I wonder why I like ice water better than normal water. I know why I like hot food. In case you didn't know, some scientists think that cooking our food was a huge evolutionary advantage. Cooking food is like pre-digesting it. Saves us a lot of energy for stuff like thinking. Lions spend so much energy on digestion.

I know I haven't written in like a month and a half. Just haven't been motivated to I guess. I'm happy playing games. I'm happy just getting by. Sure I get a little lonely sometimes, but is working hard to have money to go out with friends really worth it?

I love games.

Just re-read that line about going out with friends. Truth is I only have one friend in Vegas that ever wants to go out with me. Ever makes it happen himself. I know some other people in town that do stuff with me if I make it happen, but only one guy that makes it happen. This would all be funnier if I called him my Boyfriend.

My Boyfriend wants to see other people. It's not me, it's him. He just wants to find people who like to do the same things he does. He doesn't want to be a gamer, I suspect.

Okay, maybe that wasn't funny, but you have to admit, I'm out of practice when it comes to writing.