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Very tired so I'm going to keep this short. Second day at my new job did not go as well as it could have. My first day was pretty good, but a bit bewildering. I still lack direction, but I think I need to sit back and relax. My new boss is the kind of guy who gets things done, but he's so busy that he doesn't have a lot of time to spend with me. I get it, but it's still frustrating. It isn't his fault, the poor guy is way overworked, but this is my point of view since I'm the narrator of my own story. I bet he's doing the work of at least two or three people, but he's capable and efficient, and sometimes this business is so bogged down with paperwork that even when you're on top of your game, things still take time.

The good news is that a couple came back in after meeting me yesterday. The man called and asked for me which I thought was nice. I ended up taking a test drive with the woman, and we had so much fun driving around even though both of us were nervous that there was only 20 miles until empty on the fuel gauge. I have a hunch that they will buy, they have been at the dealership every day since Sunday, I feel as if we have good rapport, and I'm excited about this new opportunity despite the few bumps I have already experienced, both literally and figuratively. The concern is that I need product knowledge, and that's probably fair, but I'm not worried about that. My larger worry for the moment is I don't really understand the process and what they want me to be doing, or not doing.

I'm getting to know some of the personalities there. Today a guy snapped at me when I was overly talkative to his customer, he did apologize to me later, I told my boss not to worry about it, and that I preferred people being direct about why they are upset with me rather than passively aggressively taking it out on me without me having any idea what I did to tick them off. I don't want his job to be more difficult than it is, and I'm really glad that he took the time to ask if this person apologized to me because he's right, there are much nicer ways to tell me I'm talking too much. My new audiobook is really helping. I've heard about Dr. Wayne Dyer for many years, but never dove deeply into anything. His No Excuses book is terrific, and has really been great these past few days. I highly recommend it if you're into that sort of thing.

A gentleman from the other side of the dealership came over to chat with me this morning, and I really appreciated his time and energy. He's a morning person, he listens, and it was really nice to hear that he and a couple of others would be willing to help me become more familiar with whatever it is I need to know. I'm actually not really worried about that too much, but it was still very reassuring. I love the customers, even the ones who act like sales people are more contagious than ebola, and about as welcome. It's almost like being an athropologist in some ways since there's an opportunity to see how the other half lives, works, makes decisions, etc..., I'm so glad that I started where I did, and people are there because they want to be (in most cases) rather than because they have to be.

One month from now everything will be different. This will be in the past, I will have a new set of things, but I'm going to try really hard to stop worrying. It doesn't do any good, and it prevents me from having energy and taking action when and where I need to be. I found some more very short Pilates vehicles, and have been better about doing at least one per day. I'm still far from where I would like to be, but I walk a lot at my new job, and that's good for me. I'm working on improving my parking skills, it's hard to back straight into a spot when you can't see the lines, thankfully the newever vehicles have parking assist. I still like my car, it's better than some of the brand new ones we sell, so that makes me super happy. My boss told me that I'm smart, cute, and will make a ton of money (I'm putting compliments from three conversations together for the sake of brevity), I hold onto all three as statements that give me hope for the future.

I'm getting better at naming and allowing my emotions to be whatever they are at the moment, knowing that they are temporary, fickle, often unrelated to reality, and that's been very good for me. I drove to work in tears this morning, cried at lunch, and would start again if I wasn't so tired. I was angry this morning, hurt, I felt neglected, abandoned, abused, battered, manipulated, but I was also excited, nervous, anxious, happy, and optimistic. Yesterday my boss told me that for the first two months I will be getting more money as a base than I expected, and I am beyond grateful for that. I gave him a hug, and told him that I will work extremely hard. He said he knows that, and it helped to have him stop by my office since I feel like I am wearing a path between my place and his. So many things have happened that I would like to write about, but at least I got this far. 

Tomorrow is another day, and I for one am planning to make the best of it.

Xoxo,

J

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