Katie Melua

Utterly superb new British blues and jazz singer. Katie was born in Georgia in 1984, living for a while in Moscow during the fall of communism. At the age of 9 her family uprooted and moved to Belfast (her father, a heart surgeon, hed received a job offer from there). Educated a St Catherine's primary school and Dominican College, Fortwilliam, her unique singing style was first noticed when she appeared on national TV singing Mariah Carey's "Without You," shortly after her family had moved to London. She writes her own material, citing her influences as Queen, Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Eva Cassidy and Irish and Indian folk music.

Her singing style is unique, fusing the wistful, longing strains of Eva Cassidy and Ella Fitzgerald with the bluesy feel of Norah Jones. Her musical style ranges from bright, jazzy showtunes in "Crawling up a Hill" to the slow, aching notes of the blues in her first single, "Closest thing to Crazy," which song I believe to be one of the best pieces of real blues released in the last couple of years.

Her debut album, "Call off the Search" reached No 1 in the UK very quickly, knocking the tremendous Dido from the top spot. Her first single, "Closest Thing to Crazy" reached No 2 in Dec 03 in the UK, due in part to BBC Radio 2's support for her (Radio 2 is the UK's most popular radio station, and also boosted the careers of Norah Jones and Dido). The first real British jazz and blues singer to debut in the last few years, Katie is also doing very well in Germany and Holland, and plans her first attempts to "break" America late in 2004. If you haven't heard her music yet, PLEASE visit her website and listen to the samples - she has an incredibly moving voice and refreshing style, you shouldn't miss out on it!

Biographical material from Katie Melua's official website, http://www.katiemelua.com

Utterly bland and irritating British droner of insipid elevator music which masquerades as jazz and blues when not being used to encourage old people to auto-euthanise. Katie was born in Georgia in 1984, living for a while in Moscow where she was trained as an assassin by the GRU. At the age of 9 her family uprooted and moved to Belfast (her father, a professional contract killer, had received whispers that the ongoing sectarian violence would make the Province a useful place to get work).

Educated in a ninjutsu ryu by the recently resurrected Fu Manchu, her unique shuriken style was first noticed when she murdered fourteen police horses and a dog shortly after her family had moved to London. She brews her own poisons, citing her influences as Lucrezia Borgia, Socrates, Getafix the Gaul and Delia Smith.

Her style is remarkable only for its utter lack of originality or any worthwhile content, fusing the dreadful, endless whining of Eva Cassidy with the insipid, fist-itching drivel of Norah Jones. Her musical style ranges from crap, annoying showtunes in "Crawling up a Hill" to the miserable, pointless droning of her first single, "Closest thing to Crazy," which song I believe to be one of the worst excuses for entertainment unleashed on the general public since Saddam Hussein's Gassed-Kurd-O-Rama opened in 1989.

Her debut album, "Call off the Search" was shit, but at least knocked that irritating sow Dido from the top spot. If you haven't heard her "music" yet, you're one lucky son of a bitch. That shit is everywhere, beloved as it is by Baby Boomer Scum and used by Council Sanitation Departments to kill cockroaches.