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Full name Kesha Rose Sebert, she is another manufactured pop star who got famous because of the Internet, and who peddles disposable dance pop with the depth of a meniscus and auto-tune up the wazoo.

That's all you really need to know, to be honest.

Known also by detractors as "K E dollar sign H A" or "Ke-SHA!" (the latter of which sounds deliberately like a cash register), Ke$ha is definitive proof that the ancient dark art of creating and marketing a teen pop slut is alive and well. She first appeared in 2009 with an illiterately titled song called "TiK ToK" which is about, erm, getting pissed out one's skull and waking up in the bath before going out again to get pissed out one's mind while dressed as a tramp who's come off worst in a fight with a lorryload of sequins. This was then followed by other delightful ditties such as "Animal" which is about picking up men in a club following Dutch courage (are we seeing a pattern here?) and "We R Who We R" which is about, erm, going oot on the tap in a state of dishevelment. The latter of these was retconned to actually be dedicated to the spate of gay suicides in 2010 but I rather suspect that that's just PR guff by her record label to make money by capitalising on peoples' emotions. Because pretending to care = BIG ZLOTYS but that's a different node.

Ke$ha annoys me intensely. The stuff she comes out with is both original and good. However, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good (apologies to Mark Twain for that). According to WickedPedia, she cites as influences "artists such as Madonna, Debbie Harry, Queen, Johnny Cash, Aaron Neville, Bob Dylan and Beastie Boys" for her material. However, this is, as is no doubt evident, proof that everything on WickedPedia is wrong. Madonna I can understand, what with the whole "Justify My Love" affair and tarting about in a hotel corridor, that's RIGHT up Ke$ha's alley, but Queen? Johnny Cash? Bob Dylan? Care to explain how this fits in? There's no guitars and stadiumage here. No tales about building a car with stolen parts. No, there's just vacuity and similar bollox and annoying bleepy synths that make you want to stab kittens.

Lyrics? Like I said, cockwaving about how "hot and dangerous" she is and similar bollox.

At this point you may be wondering whether Ke$ha can actually sing. The answer to this is, I don't know. Like I said, she's autotuned up the wazoo. Besides, even if she could, why bother when you can just talk in that fucking horrific Californian accent of hers over some miscellaneous computer generated bleeps that are probably about as difficult to write as wiping your bum. Let Auto-tune do the rest.

Naturally, to sell this mediocre rusty water, a gimmick is required. Hers is dressing like the aforementioned tramp that came off worst in a fight with a lorryload of glitter. Oh purlease. Heroin chic is so 1992. Except it's RECYCLED WITH GLITTER! OH NOES! Spare me. The pain. The pain. aaaa.

(That bit was written while listening to a song of hers called "Take It Off" for research purposes.)

I would go on about what sort of message this is all sending, but that's a whole other node and one that would make me sound like a Daily Mail reader, no less. Suffice it to say that had I kids, I'd be alarmed at them conceiving that this sort of dissolute, shallow nonsense which pushes as worthy of note being a vapid slattern for its own sake.

Right, I can't take any more. If you want to know any more about this dire excuse for an artiste, go and listen for yourself. I can't be arsed any more, because her stuff completely fails to excite me in any way other than contemptuous sneering.

And yes, I am just jealous. Because despite having vomited more tunefully than anything Ke$ha has ever done, I am not a platinum selling record artist. Now I'm off to go and listen to a song called "Start up the Incinerator, Here Comes Another Useless Fool."

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