Kitten

The larval form of cats.

Kittens have a satanic power to enchant the females of the human species. While the level-headed male will envision the day the kitten becomes a cat, the females somehow believe that the kitten will remain a kitten forever. This is the genesis of the hatred for cats that the majority of the male section of the human species has.

Puppies will grow up to be dogs, but whatever traits drew you to the puppy (trust, loyalty, stupidity, etc.) will only grow stronger with age.

The kitten will look at you one day, when it becomes a cat, and you will be clearly able to hear a fuck you deftly hidden just underneath the meow.

Cosmetic marketed by BeneFit, consisting of a round box with a cartoon of an underperson-like girl with cat's ears, and whiskers, applying the product with her tail, and a pink powder puff containing a pink powder with a soft fragrance and champagne-colored mica sparkles. Also comes in a lilac version, Kitten Goes to Paris!

The powder is extremely refreshing, and leaves gold spangles on the skin. Very ky00t!

Note: BeneFit is contributing to the 9/11 fund with a bronze version, Kitten shops Fifth Avenue. One wonders where this is going...

An animal small enough to pick up with one hand and hold above your head. All the while it will stare down at you with the cutest expression you've ever seen (except perhaps on another kitten) and wave it's paws around aimlessly. It's purrs are reminiscent of an outboard motor, it makes this sound when pleased or content so despite it's similarity to a dog's growl, do not be worried.

Kittens are invariably filled with an inexplicable energy. Nobody knows where this energy comes from, as they seem to eat only minimal amounts. Perhaps they have hidden solar panels in their ears? Who would dare delve into a kitten's ears to find out? Not I, I'd be too afraid of being attacked!

Which brings me to my next point. The claws. Not to mention teeth. All surprisingly sharp and extremely painful when used on human flesh. When your specimin has been playing with something, do not attempt to touch it, as it will think you part of the game and attack with said sharp objects.

Kittens have the inimicable ability to convince themselves that inanimate objects are in fact alive - and, what's more, that they must be killed. They do also attempt to "kill" moving objects, such as fingers as they type. I know this, because it is happening to me right now.

Whatever you do, do not buy a kitten if you are not prepared to play with it. It will hate you. Also feed it. Clean its litter out. Put up with kitteny smells. Be slept on. Have your face attacked on a regular basis for no more reason than that you were breathing.

Enjoy your kitten!

Kit"ten (?), n. [OE. kiton, a dim. of cat; cf. G.kitze a young cat, also a female cat, and F. chaton, dim. of chat cat, also E. kitling. See Cat.]

A young cat.

 

© Webster 1913.

---

Kit"ten, v. t. & i. [imp. & p. p. Kittened (?); p. pr. & vb. n. Kittening.]

To bring forth young, as a cat; to bring forth, as kittens.

Shak. H. Spencer.

 

© Webster 1913.