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Have you ever seen a film advertised which has a name so utterly contemptible you feel strangely compelled to see it?

I have. A while back I watched Ticked Off Trannies with Knives and found it pretty dire, actually, a maelstrom of "just as planned" manufactroversy-baiting stupidity. So it was with some foreboding that I went onto Amazon and paid £0.01 plus £1.99 p&p for a DVD of Kung Fu Flid.

Okay, it was under its alternative name of Unarmed but Dangerous which is frankly even more contemptible a name because it pussyfoots around the word "flid." But I digress. Kung Fu Flid is also roughly 2/3 false advertising, because it's presented as (and I was expecting) a martial-arts extravaganza with loads of wire-fu coming from a chappie with short arms. What I got was an East London gangster vengeance-a-thon although its protagonist is played by a bloke (Mat Fraser) who does have phocomelia.

It also features Faye Tozer, that's the blonde one from Steps, almost wearing a variety of tarty-looking clothes and flouncing around in a fanservicey manner. She also delivers the best line in the film - "He gave your son a cunt!" Don't worry, it makes sense in context.

The plot is this - three goons including the son of an East End gangster burst into the title character's house and shoot his wife and kidnap his daughter. He fends them off including by biting the genitals off of the son. He then goes on a rampage throughout East London to find the person responsible and rescue his family. On the way he gets cornered by baddies including a shotgun wielding she-dwarf in a wheelchair and escapes by making the baddies laugh with his tyrannosaurus impression before kicking their arses. There's a genuinely creepy segment with a Scottish psycho torturer but other than that it's clear that the film relies on the fact that its lead has short arms yet kicks people to death.

It also seems to fall into that unpleasant gap where it comes over as an exploitation flick disguised as empowering. The T-Rex impression comes to mind. As does the fact it's called "Kung Fu Flid." Its alternative title, "Unarmed but Dangerous" is arguably even more bad taste because it pussyfoots around the elephant in the room.


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