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I meet her half way down the stairs as she is making her way up. She smiles and hands me the bag. A couple of my things had gone with her when she moved out. She had called the night before. Wanted to drop them off.

Somehow I had been expecting her to wait at the main door. A couple of nods, some niceties about her new life, and then the mutual reassurance that we really both had somewhere else to be. She smiles at me. Whether she isn't going to be allowed to see my new place.

Back upstairs she comments on the size. Coasy. Looks around at the furniture, some of it her old stuff. "Good that the bookshelf is red, though". I have no clue what the fuck she means by that. Nodding.

You can tell when people don't realize that they are smiling. We are standing in the stairway. She is talking with Matthias. Something about birthday plans. I am trying to remind myself. The slight crookedness between her eyes, that I used to tease her about. Wonky eyes. Don't know how I came to think of that. Why I need to remind myself of it. She keeps turning from me to Matthias. Its hard to make it out. I squint my eyes a little. She is looking at me now. Smiling. I don't see it. Not anymore. Sweet smile though.

 

As I am writing this Stephen Merritt is going on repeat in the background.

"Butterflies turn into people, when my boy walks down the street"

I think that is how I would like to remember you. Pusle.


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