My job has shown me many faces of an animal which I previously thought to be simply a dumb passive beast. There is infact way more to the behavior of a group of female domesicated cows than I, a suburbanite could ever have imagined. If you would, please fix you eyes closely to the center of your CRT for a moment and hear my little tale of uncouth sapphic lust.
"Excuse me, that cow there is trying to hurt that other cow over there... I mean, they are really fighting, I think you should separate them." This just one of several shallow minded reactions of a city commoner like myself to a natural inherent reproductive need amongst female cattle. The need to mate.
A cow in heat is more frisky than your grandfather on a bottle of old crow. When in heat, cows have the urge to mate and become mated with. The only outlet for the massive amounts of raw, untamed bovine sexual tension they have available is each other. And how does an 800 pound hooved beast manage to eke out any form of relief from this torment? By mounting each other of course! Just picture it, a group of these filthy stinking beasts just standing around mooing amongst each other, when all of a sudden one of them jumps on the back of the other and rides it like a mechanical horse in front of a Wal-mart. I myself was, mildly shocked to discover the secret hidden world of confined same sex activity down at my local dairy farm.
Certainly, this was nothing compared to the state of mental fluster I found myself in after discovering how a person essentially give a cow a hand job.
(enter narrative mode)
Yet another night of milking was finally coming to a close, and the very last of the cows were being led into the parlor for milking. The usual trio of workers that evening, me, and two other dudes had the privilege of being joined by and unnamed true to life farm girl, who was apparently a friend of one of my co-workers. She would casually flirt with said co-worker whilst helping us milk the huge stinking beasts.
One of the cows, who was reluctant to move to its proper place in the milking line caught the attention of the mystery milk maid. She walked up to the beast, and began to massage its lower mouth/head area (foreplay), the cow responded by lifting its head, allowing her to rub the area in a better fashion. She called out "Check this out. They like when you rub them here." She added "Watch this", and moved her hand to the cow's rear end, where the features of a portion of its spine (lower back, possibly) jutted out from behind its monochrome hide. She began of massage this part of the cow as well. It's eyes opened wide, it stopped chewing its cud, and it contorted its cow head by slightly rotating it to one side. For a second I thought I saw an extremley perverse expression upon the face of this otherwise Al Gore-like creature. It was hard to describe...it looked like the sound of a cheap saxophone riff from a porn film, a saucy smarmy grin is what i saw. She continued to rub and added "Look at her face", one of my co-workers added "The only reason why its letn' you do that is because you're giving her miniature orgazims." "Whaaa?!" I asked, to which she replied, "It makes it think another cow is humping her, ya know, like when they're in heat.." "Oh", I replied as sat staring in slackjawed disbelief at the sight of the expression on this beast's face. She eventually stopped pleasuring the cow, after which it then proceeded to find its proper place in the milking line. The power of sex truly sees no species.
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