MS Break-Up-Letter Wizard

Microsoft Utility which creates a generic model of a document to aid one in breaking up with their significant other. Make a few simple choices and the wizard sets up the letter for you! Select from given lists of:

gender/persuasion of relationship
(male-female, female-male, male-male, female-female)
indiscretions/reasons
(short attention span, infidelity, new infatuation, ect.)
level of sincerity
(genuine-patronizingly sarcastic)
general emotion
(apologetic, angry, mournful, ect.)
attribution of blame
(full acceptance, partial acceptance, neutral,
partial blame on recipient, full blame on recipient)

Complete survey of questions and you can print out, or E-mail your very own personalized break-up-letter.
MICROSOFT BREAK-UP-LETTER WIZARD
because, they're probably not worth your time or effort anyway.

When I saw this node, I thought it was going to be more like this:

---

Dear __{choose one: stockholder/employee/customer}__:

As a result of the verdict in the Justice Department's Anti-trust case, Microsoft is being split into __{fill in number}__ companies, as follows:

__{fill in description of the split that is ultimately chosen}__

As a result of the break-up, you will __{choose one: own stock in/be employed by/deal with}__ one or more of these companies, as described below:

__{fill in description as appropriate}__

This change will take effect on __{fill in date}__, __{choose one: 2002/2003/2004/2005/2006}__.

Sincerely,

__{choose one: Bill Gates/Steve Ballmer/fill in other name}__
President and CEO, __{fill in name of split company}__

Bah! The MS Break-Up-Letter Wizard sucks!.

Use the unix command line break up utility brkup instead.

Advantages of brkup include

• break up from the console!
• combine with xargs and pipe to break up with multiple partners at once!
• SGML output for easy conversion to your favourite format!
• brkup is GPLed so you can break up and support free software !

I seriously hope that no-one would break up with a significant other in any way except face to face.

I'd watch it, sane guy. If you email your MS break-up-letter and s/he is using "less innovative" software than MS', there's a fair chance e'll be unable to read it, and might get really angry.

Of course, on second thought, you probably don't care any longer...

Hi! It looks like you're trying to break up with someone.

Do you want to:

(o) Tell them to stop smothering you with their ambitions until you feel you no longer have any freedom

(o) Tell them that their weird kinky fantasies involving sticks of butter and hamsters no longer get you going

(o) Tell them you are no longer attracted to them

(o) Tell them you're sleeping with their best friend

---

Phrases which are included in the 'auto-complete' feature

• I cannot continue living this lie.
• I feel like I need more space to myself.
• Every time I see you, I get an uncontrollable rash.
• You don't deserve a jerk like me.
• I am such a jerk for doing this.
• I'm going to regret this when I'm sober
• I want my money back (and don't forget to give me back my black t-shirt)