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A strange thing happened to me today. I was sitting at work, stressing about the crashed boxen and incompatible router and switch I had to have fixed, when my phone rang.
"I.T. Services, this is K"

"K**** is it? It's Simon from Everything."

(brief microsecond of puzzlement of who the hell it is)

"Simon! How are you! You tracked me down did you! ..."


So Simon finally got hold of me and we attempted to get The Great Sydney Fraptabulous Everythingian Get Together off the ground. We organised to fill the nodeshell and work out details. So here it is.

ALL SYDNEY AREA EVERYTHING RESIDENTS ARE ASKED TO CONTACT EITHER myself OR simonc TO ALLOCATE YOUR ATTENDANCE OR NOT!

Sorry to shout.


I was finally fixing the broken boxen and herd them in to a respectable shape. It was 9pm. I was feeling good. I had help coming - thank you Soren - and everything was going well. I stumbled on some network cable draped across the floor and stumbled a bit. I put my hands on one of the boxen to steady myself, not noticing that Soren had taken out some of the screws to replace an NIC. So when I lifted my hand, I had these two little computer screws sticking out of it. Eeew! When I pulled them out, they had two neat little strips of my skin attached to them.

My left hand. Along with my toe (see here) I think it is official - the left side of my body is cursed. The wounds looked really cool though - it looked like I had been bitten by a vampire! Ahh, misspent youth.

Oh, and another fire alarm went off at 8:30 this morning. Just when I was about to get my morning coffee. Such is life.

Why, why, why...

I very stupidly forgot to pay my phone bill, and so have no long distance; it was just cut off today. I tend to forget to pay most of my bills. It's not that I don't have the money, I just forget.

This tendancey of mine led to a fight with my mother just on Sunday. I was home visiting for spring break (god forbid I go to Florida or someplace like that), and she went off on me about how irresponsible I am. What I really hate is the fact that I can't argue with her--I really am irresponsible. I don't know how to change this, either. For whatever reason, I'm very easily distracted. I can't keep my mind to practical things, like paying bills or doing homework. I can sit and memorize poetry or other useless things, but god forbid I remember to pay my bills on time.

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you to the sea, then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone. --Amy Tan, The Hundred Secret Senses

I am reminded today to be grateful. I have people who love me and that in itself is a little miracle. I have, in the past week, been doubtful and insecure about the future, and wondering if my place is really here, in Denver. But if not here, then where? Last week, I was fired unfairly after three days for a personality trait (my supervisor said I was too shy) and this plunged me into doubt about my worth, not just as an employee, but to other people. I am reminded today that I have meaning in people's lives. Tomorrow, I start another job, better than the last at higher pay. Today, four people reminded me that they loved me and that my very existence has made their lives a little better. How could that not bring me a little joy?

I am also reminded about all the beauty that exists everywhere, in everything and everyone. And how sometimes all it takes is a little patience to evoke it. Old women are beautiful when they remember the past and what it was like to dance. Children are beautiful when they smile. Aaron is beautiful, even when his eyes are sad. Nick is beautiful when he gets a spark of inspiration, and it makes me sad that some people will never know the small moments of wonder they can elicit.

And I am reminded of how many people I love. And sometimes, how difficult it is to love people. Love is not something that just is, it's something that requires patience, forgiveness and above all belief in someone else. And sometimes it hurts. It hurts to feel like you don't count to someone you'd brave flames for. But sometimes, it's wonderful and it makes you remember that anything can be beautiful, if you look hard enough. I am glad I have Nick and Aaron as friends. And I love them both, for different reasons. And even though he may never speak to me again, I love Angel, because he was kind to me when I needed kindness. And I love Scott, and Levi and so many, many people who have helped me, or changed me for the better. Love is a catalyst. It changes everything in tiny ways that we may never notice. I don't think it's ever a mistake to love someone, even if our love is not returned, even if we are scorned, or shunned. I think it is a far greater crime to have the chance to love someone and not take it.

And I am grateful for all the love in my life. And I am grateful for being able to smile, something I will never take for granted, because I know what it is like to hurt so bad that a smile seems impossible. And I am grateful that tomorrow the sun will rise and that the day will be somehow beautiful no matter the weather.

Well after being awake all night getting ready for my Mom's visit which was to start tomorrow, I find out at work that I will have to go to Atlanta on business Thursday. And they are making me go in the morning and fly home the same night. Ugh. I hate doing that.

Meanwhile some of us at work moved into a different part of the building. I'm impressed, we got set up, phones, network, and desks, all in one day. Of course our two teams consist of only 7 people.

People at work like my hair cut. One woman kept calling it cute, etc....I just had to smile while I internally enjoyed the compliment (she's engaged). It felt nice to have a woman compiment me. Since my ex, I haven't been around women much...well my family, and they are great, but its not the same.... I feel like I'm taking conrol of my life.

On a more random note, waiting at the Park Street T stop, I noticed how strange it can appear when a person is using a hands-free cellphone. I kinda looks like they are randomly talking or laughing, and remaining still all the while (I suppose not all people remain still). Gave me a good laugh inside.

I had to get the first flight out of Canberra this morning to go to my terrible job in Sydney. Got to the office and what was waiting on my desk?

A BIG BROWN PAPER WRAPPED BOX WIT' SPANGLY STARS STUCK ALL OVER AND STAMPS FROM THE YOO-ESS OF AY, ADDRESSED IN CRAYON TO SIMONC

Yeow! You've got mail!

So how lucky am I? My mates Kimonade and Psydereal had packed a box once occupied by an impossibly obscure electical kitchen impliment with AMERICAN CANDY! And a CARD! And SCRUNCHED UP KANSAS NEWSPAPER!

Oh joy! I proceeded to tear the package open to quickly discover it had been opened already...

INSPECTED BY AUSTRALIAN CUSTOMS Uh-huh. Methinks these two chicks are a bit suspect when it comes to boxes full of candy &-)

Anyways, the candy was safe and very cool. There is the biggest frickin' bag of Reeses Pieces I have ever seen, Twizzlers, Lo-Fat Peppermint Patties, Hershey Bars, a Watermelon flavour Ring Pop, and some other stuff I dare not inspect...

THANKS KIM AND PSYD! YOU GIRLS SO ROCK!

In other news... oh, bugger the other news. It's just tragic. Oh! Hang on. I bought a new suit. A nice black Boss on sale for 20% off. That was cool. And I fixed the showstopper SOA problems at the NIC.AD, and man am I looking forward to SYDNEY'S FIRST EVAH NODIST eVent, The Great Sydney Fraptabulous Everythingian Get Together..... Just wish Kim and Psyd could make it :-)

The Quest for a workstation, part II
I originally planned to write these lines from my OS/2 workstation i wrote about yesterday, but after installing Fixpack 15 and Netscape (NN4.6 requires minimum FP 5) i had to find out that a 486 is too slow to render e2.

Fuck.

Well, a co-worker will give me his NexGen 90Mhz board if he finds it or at least a faster 486, a 486 DX4-100.
This should be enough to give Netscape the power to render.
UPDATE: You can see the fabulous workstation at http://melittamann.sitecom.de/workstation.jpg

Aside the PC front, there's not too much new here. I got a date tonight with a girl i met in a club some weeks ago when i was drunk, i can hardly remember how she looked, hope i'll recognize her and i hope even more she'll be beautiful.
I'll let you know.

12:28

The stuff of the Weekend and Preceding Day: I went to Kuhmo, watched X-Men off DVD - it had a lot of trailers and stuff too...

(Commercials break: Here's a suggestion for the new text to be included in DVD trailers: "The following plaintext has been approved for all audiences by the Motion Picture Association of America." 5 minutes of grabbin' and GIMP work gave us this: http://rieska.oulu.fi/~ulankine/tmp/plaintext.jpg =) [Didn't put that thing to Memepool, because that would have been Gratuitous Self Promotion and the joke isn't that good. Hmm, looks like my submission again got edited a bit...]

...did nothing significant there, and came back to Oulu. Yesterday, I started the 2nd phase of driving school - and it was the first time I've ever driven a car in Oulu! The traffic is sort of confusing here... =)

I've also grasped some concepts of CORBA now that I realized JDK comes with everything I need for learning the basics of CORBA... and I have some disk space to install MICO again, because ORBit-C++ didn't seem to work.

Today: Another lecture about EPOC. That thing is probably KeWl because it's being advertised that much. UI lectures coming up at 14:00.

Energy drink can note: "May cause reddening of skin, feeling of increased temperature, and itching of skin, which is completely normal..." huh? Yeah, every disclaimer looks like that.

19:08

So, hmm... I'm even more convinced that OSS software and APIs and libraries rock, except for one thing - namely, documentation.

Not even the Holy Cows of Free Software Revolution™ are immune. Many Emacs-W3 functions are undocumented...

...and just when I needed to make my daylog metanode to post itself automatically. =(


Other day logs o' mine...

Noded recently by y.t.: TrueColor Keaton nesting box Klisje Paa Klisje Piltdown man IV CBC Roger Wilco rm -rf /

Noded today: Mico fsn HOS URI

Last night, did the entire yoga book - all 26 poses. I thought I had done them all before, on Sunday, but I skipped a few at the end. When I look at the photos and look at myself, it's so laughable. I really need to find a class. But I did do them. Badly - yes. But most - I'd say 90% - I did twice, as the book said.

I slept very well too. more to be added later.
Half an hour, I've been staring at this little screen, making words appear, trying to put some spin, something poetic into works, make my journal pretty.

It's all so fucking fake, though. It's all for the world, not for myself.

...

Listen: I am living a very real, very slow disintegration. It is only because I want so much to see it to the finish, that I am able to hang on, and keep myself from falling until the very end.
e always drops me on tuesday. Sunday, the day after, is never really a problem because Im usally with good people or a good person and there is never meth in the caps we take and I can sleep and when I wake up I can eat and I still feel kinda good though a little tweaked. Monday is nothing either way and maybe a bit of a tease because in my head i replay a fun weekend and plan on the same starting friday. Tuesday I drop though, sometimes weds, but usally its tuesday. Today it's tuesday. First I think I'm hungry or tired, then I realize I just ate and that the feeling in my stomach must be something else. Im staring at my computer screen, glazed and blank, making tiny hops around the web, playing losing at chess and basically just trying to find that website that you go to that makes you feel good and complete. I read some Suck stuff and do not laugh and the overeducated undercreative vibe bores me. I try mcsweeneys and its alright. Normally I end up following links and researching something I know nothing about. Just to keep the gears from focusing on the gears. See if anybody is online that might suddenly rocket a good vibe through me. Open my eyes wide and make me go "ya ya, man". This is not an external thing though. This is not a rational thing either because Im pleased with how things are going. Its a brain thing and a fair deal and I have to sit through it and it's dark and useless. Once I was in a meeting and I just had to get up and leave and go cry in the bathroom.
Post e tuesday blues
mouth sore from overchew
brain husked
feeling like poo
got them 
Post e tuesday blues.

My first daylog for a while. And yes I know everyone will read it. But I'm slightly past caring at the moment.

There's this girl that I met rather randomly. And today I also discover that another friend of mine, knows her ex-, pretty well. Now- I am barely friends with this girl as yet and I don't know where things will go, but I'm rather stressed about some things I am hearing now.

They went out for 4 years, they are still in love, etc. Also they both have issues of varying degrees. But then, who doesn't? Bleh.

To be honest I am totally, totally, confused.

Equally, I know I am being obtuse, but I really don't want to say much as yet, but just get this down somewhere.

I went to the dentist this morning to get my teeth cleaned. I didn't know it would involve any pain. It wasn't that bad, but I guess I had quite a bit of buildup. My bottom teeth are now much whiter and there is some space between them that wasn't there before. I guess that was all buildup. They look pretty good now. All I need to do now is get a couple of mercury fillings replaced and then go see an orthodontist. It will be great when I can finally smile without feeling self-conscious about how my teeth look.

I finally found out from CR today about what he and Ann set Sara up with for a spring break gift. They paid for a night at an expensive hotel. It sounds like an interesting gift, but I wonder what all is involved to justify the price. I imagine they must have all sorts of stuff to help you relax and unwind. Sara probably needs it with the busy schedule she has had along with schoolwork and everything else. As long as it makes her happy, I'm glad for her :) I wish I could have pitched in a bit for the price so I could say I helped, but I imagine they probably would then be concerned that I would give away the suprise.

I got some feedback from CR today about Sara that made me feel good. Everyone was talking about vacation time at work. Nobody knows exactly the policy yet, and they are still working out the details. I mentioned that I don't really have much use for vacation time since I don't really have anything special to do that I couldn't do on a weekend. Someone suggested that I use the time to spend with Sara and everyone (including CR) seemed to think that was a good idea. CR is a close friend of hers and they talk a lot about stuff, so it made me feel good to know that he encourages us to get together. That pretty much made my day.

I called my parents and talked to them for about 2 hours tonight. I haven't talked to them in about a month, so I figured I should give them a call before they start thinking I'm being anti-social.

I talked with TC for about an hour after work today. We talked about all sorts of stuff about work, school, the future, plans, etc. It was a good conversation, and I think she's doing alright so far despite her boyfriend having to move away. She's one of the best friends I've ever had and part of the reason I've gained self-confidence and gotten where I am now. I really want to do whatever I can to help her get through this, though I don't think I could ever repay her for what she has done for me.

Well, that's about it for today. Time to sleep.

Right now, as I am writing, the individual who I find to be the single most beautiful person in the world is sleeping in my dorm room. Now what do I do in such a situation? You see the real question at hand is whether one is duty bound to express one's belief in the ultimate aesthetic beauty of a certain individual or, maintain a sense of composure and not freak the hell of a certain swede who must spend the rest of the week sleeping not three feet from the person who has declared his undying love for them? Does one owe it to themselves to tell the person they beleive is the most beautiful person in the world that they are the most beautiful person in the world? I cannot answer this question at the moment, as my drunken ramblings are prohibitive of any sort of coherent analysis of the situatuion at hand beyond a superficial description of the existential question of whether or not it is better to be dammed because of a failure to do something or whether it is better to be dammed for doing something. I personally can't say which is best at the moment. I probably will remain in the shade of remorse for the rest of my life because this woman will have been so close and yet so far. How cruel is that? The worse part of it all is that she will probably be comepletely oblivious to it all. Ignorance is bliss. But I fear that bliss is true love of a woman.

Today was a tiring day.

Suprise! Test!!

I kind of forgot about a math test today. I took it, and at least I could say to myself: I do not think it would have helped anymore if I would have studied for it. I hope I did not suck too badly.

Thai Food is Good

Which reminds me...I should get that out of my car just now. Hmm, I wonder how it is cold?

Sawatdee is a pretty good restuarant, for being so Americanized. Both Hillary Clinton and Garrison Keillor love it. Their slogan: Thai it, you'll like it!

I ordered the generic sounding "spicy noodles" which prooved to be so much more.

Virtual Memory Sucks

Spent the rest of my day tweaking with the virutal memory subsystem of an O/S that will remain unnamed. I may never get this goddamned problem I am having figured out.

Continued from March 12, 2001:

Today we wanted to try to see some actual tourist type stuff since we didn’t get much of flavor of Montreal other than the night life yesterday. We checked out of the room and left our bags with the front desk.

Our first stop after breakfast in the hotel was the Musee McCord. On the first floor was a temporary display of native Eskimo carvings; ranging from magical talismans to practical tools and masks. The second floor had a permanent display of the history of the city of Montreal. The collection includes many portraits, antique personal effects, (clothing, ice skates, kitchen wear). The pictures and description of the ice palace which was once built in the city was the most interesting thing on the second floor. After we finished at the Museum we went back to the Holiday Inn and got the car to drive over to the Biodome.

The highlights of the Biodome for me were the bat cave and tropical zone with the waterfalls, monkeys, and piranha. After the Biodome we tried to go to the Molsen factory, but it closed at 4, and we were just a few minutes late. From what we were told they do not give tours, but there is some sort of gift shop which we weren’t able to go in. After that we started the drive back to New York, and I slept on and off in the backseat. Montreal was fun, I hope I'll be able to visit again.

Leaving things well enough alone, now.
Miss my mom, seeing as this is her day and all.
Called out of work, because my body just doesn't feel right. Still marked with bruises from the other night....that's kind of embarassing.
Last night didn't happen, and I was relieved. Everything was happening too fast for even me. Adam and I pulled it together, but everyone else was MIA...no skin off my nose, I felt like shit.

Talked to Ry...he's depressed and I'd write a piece about the opium, but I don't feel like it. I am going to be the carrier of his artwork on the trip back. Yah.
Losing weight for no rhyme or reason, I certainly am not egging that on.

Have a party to go to tonight....so I need to get chores done here and head on out.

P.S. I could be wrong, but...I THINK I'M A LEVEL 6!!! 'Bout friggin' time!

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