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Unsuccessfully writing some PHP. Nate picks up phone; Darcy is calling us so we can wish her a happy birthday. She's home in Marina, after passing out at one of her 4 jobs and going to the hospital. Wants to catch a movie later on 6:30 - 7:00ish. I'm plotting excuses to not go.


Woops, we forgot to call her.
Nate calls her: "Ohh, I've got a paper to write tonight, want to ask Mike?"
Me: "No one to hang out with on your birthday??" <- Normally I would have killed for the oppurtunity to say "I can't think of anything you deserve more!"
Me: "Uh, sure, I can hang out later"
She asked me to come over to watch Clue. I'm an ass for this. Not only am I dissing Santa Cruz friends, I'm dissing them for DARCY!!!


Knock knock...
Me: "Hi" How in God's name was I ever attracted to you?
Me: "Happy Birthday" Why do you dress like a colorblind Backstreet Boy?!
Me:"Dry, sarcastic comments. giving off keep-your-hands-off-me! body language.]"
For the first five minutes, I was on my toes, expecting her to pull out some blunt object and whack me over the head. Conditioned response. Clue turned out to be Quills; my ears suck. Good flick, anyway.


Head over to Monterrey to go to bars w/Nate. For some reason we are laughing and having a good time. She tells me she missed me and pecks me a kiss. We're blasting Dark Tranquillity. It was a moment. A stupid lie of a moment.


Arrive at Nate's...Jennifer is coming too. Cool. At that point I thought having Jennifer & Nate along would be like heading into a gunfight with double backup.


Got to the Mucky Duck, a really cool pub meets ski-lodge meets meat market. It was empty on a Wed. night. Bartender made Darcy a Brain Hemorrhage. Jennifer and I bet on how long it would take before Darcy puked or passed out. I said 47 minutes. Jennifer graciously gave her 52.


Darcy complained for 10 minutes that she would not tolerate the lactose in the Bailey's portion of the drink. This was greeted with "Juuust driiink IT!"'s from the three of us. After three sips, she was done with the woosy mixed drink. Everything's cool, having fun, beginning of a fun night...










This is when Darcy gets lame.
I don't know if I mentioned this, but Darcy's only gotten drunk a few times. It's usually ugly;
check this out: "IwasgoingtotellyousomethinglaterbecauseImissedyouandmaybe. something.could.have.happened.between.us.but since you're not being nice to me furget it."
Me: WTF? She's right though. People can read my emotions crystal clear. She makes my stomach curdle, and being nice for her birthday just wasn't going to work. Did she expect me to beg her to take me back?


Darcy downs a Hawaiian Punch and walks out of the bar to go see some ex-something or other from Brittania Arms. This is someone she desperately avoided when we were going out.
Nate says: "You know, it's sort of bad bar etiquette to walk out on your friends when they haven't finished their drinks."
Jennifer says: "What a dork."
I say: "whatever" out loud.
Inside, I'm mentally cutting her to pieces.


Nate: "We should probably find her."


We leave the bar to find her. We ask the boucer at Brittania Arms if he's seen (description of Darcy) anywhere.
Bouncer: "Psh, I don't remember."
Jennifer: "Orange pants, Monkey backpa--"
Bouncer: "OHH her! She went down to Viva."


We meet up with her walking alone on the sidewalk. She's begun giving me the cold shoulder. Ha. Girl, I was giving the cold shoulder years before you were dressing like a clown! We walk back to Viva; Jennifer sees a person she REALLY REALLY did not want to see, but we go in anyway. We get drinks.


Ok, birthday's over, let's get out. Jennifer goes to talk to Sean, the guy she's avoiding. Darcy is flirting with unsuspecting surfers. Ignoring Nate, Jennifer also now. Loud, obnoxious brat. Became more and more clear why I never wanted to see her ever again.
Nate: "I feel like an add-on."


Chug a beer, and go outside to smoke with Nate and Jennifer. Cigarettes make me nauseous. I vehemently drag on them.


Jennifer/Nate ask me how I feel. How many friends do that for you!? I'm learning the difference between people who have respect for you, and those who beg for your attention. I'm pissed and I vent. About Darcy, and other stuff.


Surprise, Darcy is still acting like an ass. We're bored with it and tell her we're going to another bar. Well, they told her. I decided to keep walking.


We make it to the London Bridge. I'm wanting to get sloshed. Simultaneously pissed for ever having wasted time on such a miserable piece of trash. We drank some drinks, talked and appreciated each other's company. Jay, the bartender is playing the "Best of..." Blur cd, so that was great...


We walk home, pop in some good music. Nate and Jennifer go outside for a smoke, and I pass out with the cat on the couch.
Cat steps on my head...Ow...I wake up...too early.


Wake up...Crap, Work! Look around. Hey, Darcy never came home! Oh, wait, there's the stuffed animal backpack. (For some reason, I thought of getting vengeance on Darcy by putting Willa, the cat in her monkey backpack. Then I chuckled, as it would have been more cute than mean.) Wait, she's in Nate's bed?! Nate!?!? whatever. Get up, get some water. I see Nate in Jennifer's bed...OH, ok...Darcy's mom calls. Everyone wakes up. Nate offers food. I bid farewell to my friends. Ignore Darcy without looking back.


Arrive at work without shower, same clothes. Eamon called me "hippie." I'm wearing the t-shirt I let her borrow, and had been trying to avoid ever wearing again.

Debated writing her an email telling her I will never talk to her again. That her bullshit overshadows any other worthwhile quality found in a person I would consider a friend. Blahblahblah, go fuck yourself.

Perhaps that's exactly what she wants. I'll just never talk to her again.

A well-kissed mouth,

Today, I've gone straight from lazily lying in the arms of one and kissing him goodbye to sitting on another's lap, accepting his kisses, telling him not to tell me he loves me.

a treacherous mouth,

The first day with Brian, he had me pick a tarot card. The experience and strength of the queen of swords, inverted, makes for a destructive force. We laughed it off.

eating without asking if I'm hungry.

In some cultures, it is impolite to refuse what you're offered. I don't need either of these men. I like them, I love them. I don't tire of kissing them - I tire of the repercussions.

Getting on to lunch time here in Canberra. I can't quite believe that from next Monday, I only have five more days working at the agency. I've been so pissed off at some of the things that have gone down there, over the past two years, but now I'm feeling quite nostalgic and not a little sad to be leaving. For all their hardcore marketdroid way of doing things, they're mostly a pretty nice group of people. The MD has asked me to contract back there, for strategic projects. I told him I'm happy to.

Frozen fingers at the keyboard! Must put a sweater on.

Gemma and the dogs and I will drive up to Sydney tomorrow to return all the hardware to head office, and to clear out my desk. It's a three hour drive, good roads all the way, so it should be kind of fun. Hell I miss having the internet when I'm in a motor car though!

My best friend is shaving his head today, for charity. He's infamous for his long curly hair (hasn't been cut for over a decade..), so it's quite a big event. He's streaming the event over the web, at 4pm AEST (05:00 server time) at http://www.realware.com.au/shave (WMP only.. yeah, yeah, I told him he's part of the problem, not part of the solution...)

Update: Anj raised over $3000 and ended up shaving his head, armpits and eyebrows.. It was a blast. I took a couple of hundred screenshots of the video stream, and most of his buddies hung out on IRC egging him on. Great day. The Leukaemia Foundation will be most appreciative.
I was worried that my psycho boss was going to be in a bad mood today. It turns out that he decided to skip work today altogether. It is unclear whether he is going to have a change of heart or circle the wagons.

What is funny is that a VP of another department had a very interesting talk with me, and asked me what was going on...(he had heard about my boss's fiasco). He strongly encouraged me to not bury any frustrations.

Meanwhile, it was a great team meeting. One guy brought chocolates back from Israel, they were quite tasty.

Bring on the weekend! TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Intriguing Soul

Riding the T home from my dinner date with the love of my life. I am seated in the first car right next to one of the doors, engrossed in "A Bend in the River" by V.S. Naipaul.

I hear the electronic voice proclaim the approach of Kendall/MIT. I quickly find a good place to stop, stuff my bookmark into my book, re-case my glasses and pull my shawl around my shoulders.

Sitting diagonally from me is a young woman. She has chin length blonde hair, not dyed. She is wearing a black dress that has ruffles around the neck line with a knee-length red leather coat over it.

Something about the way she is sitting is fascinating to me. Straight up. She looks straight ahead, not at anyone yet not simply staring into space either. A peaceful expression on her face.

The train pulls into the station. I pull my things closer and wait for that last second when the train seems to buck as it stops. I rise and proceed out the door of the train. She follows.

We exit the station through adjacent turn-styles and walk up opposite sides of the stairs to the street level.

My mind begins to imagine. Fast forward to She and I being friends, sitting in my living room, recalling the evening we first met. How we got off the train and walked almost next to each other to our respective apartments

We cross the intersection and begin up third street, me slightly behind her. Walking. Does she live near me? Have we lived around the corner from each other for long?

She reaches the lights before I and continues up third street. I veer left towards fifth street and my apartment. My heart sighs a little at the lost possibility of friendship with this intriguing soul from the train.

failed adventures in napping

Today I wore my red Satan suit and my leopard print glasses and I felt mighty snazzy. Although I took so long in dressing myself up that I was late for work, yet again. Bad habit, but I cannot get up at 7am. It's impossible. My nature won't allow it. Genetic. Inalterable.

Having finished my ColdFusion project and thus earning the respect of my boss, I moved on to the vb project. That didn't go as well as the ColdFusion, for the following reasons:

things I like: emacs
things I vehemently adhor: stupid visual (name of made up propreitary language here.. wtf is a J++??) integrated development environments that 'simplify' things by letting you drag and drop an ugly GUI together but don't write any code beyond the layout of the frame the application is listening to and just generally fucking suck. Like Visual Studio.

After struggling through "Hello, World!", waves of sleepy hit me and I drown, taking two of my boss' vb books under with me to study while I await my watery demise.

Get home, evade conversation with roommate, note FedEx package. Don't care. Need bed. But, as it happens every time I try to have a nap any time between the hours of 9am and 2am, the door slams several times, the area just outside my door fills with screaming girly giggles, and I do not get any rest. Finally, the door slams in a way reminiscent of Mortal Kombat (!!Finish Her!!) and I'm just about to get up and stomp pointedly across the living room (passive agressive? not me.) when I notice the voices are gone. Ahh.

Of course the phone rings. I pretend to ignore it. But I hear my friend Colleen's voice on the machine, and I owe her a ride to the airport. I grab it before she hangs up. And it turns out she wants to leave now, not at 8pm, like I'd thought. Piss.

We drive the Volvo to SeaTac, getting hit on twice before we leave Oly. First offender is the cashier at the gas station, telling Colleen she looks like "the kind of girl who really likes to have fun." If he only knew. Then a kid in a suit next to us at a red light asks if we want to make some extra money, interrupting an impromtu rendition of Pour Some Sugar on Me. We speed away toward I-5.

It's really sunny, meaning it's Moron Day on America's Favorite Parking Lot. Traffic's ok until I drop Colleen at the airport, but hell going south. And then I really have to pee.

I get back to Oly to see my roommate heading the opposite direction, toward the freeway. I honk. People look, everyone but her. I honk again. La-dee-da, bellise. Finally I just stick my arms out the window and wave them around like I'd dropped my cigarette in my lap. This serves to make me miss the light turning green, but at least I finally get honked at. Not by bellise, though. She just sticks her tongue out.

The house is empty. RAWK. I get under the covers. Knock, knock. My roommate's boyfriend. I grunt that he should make himself at home, and close the door. If he pees on the carpet, the roommate can clean it up. I think I almost fall asleep. The door slams open again. I overhear about two minutes of a conversation about fascinating attributes of home pregnancy testing kits, then perform the aforementioned drama queen dance of elephant-stepping through the living room to my smoking porch.

It's a gorgeous night, summer blue sky, candy pink clouds, even the concrete under my ass still warm. I decide, fuck it, I've received igloowhite's fascinating-sounding movie in the mail. I'll go watch that. So I do (!!it's really good!! - more on that later). Now I'm just stalling until bedtime.

It occurs to me I'm never going to go anywhere in life if my only goal is making it until the next time I can fall asleep. Tough cookies.
Wow. Today was my last day of High School.

Honestly, it feels weird to me to even say (type?) those words. No more high school. Of course, I've still got to go tomorrow for our Senior Talent Show, and I'll have to show up to tie up a few loose ends. And the actual ceremonies related to graduation.

But today was the last time I will have to spend a day in High School. In a lot of ways, it feels absolutely great. Like a massive weight lifted from my shoulders. All of the work, all of the annoying things about attending a Catholic High School, ever. No more wearing uniforms, although technically that ended a couple weeks ago. No more having to wake up in time to get to school at 7:45. No more dumb religion classes. And hopefully, far fewer angry nuns yelling at me.

However, I still can't put aside some feelings of sadness. Sure, many of my friends will be at the college I'm going to (TCU) or nearby colleges. But many will not. People who I've known since pre-school are suddenly not going to be a part of my life, at least not nearly as big a part as they used to be. Many of the people who I've only gotten to know this year are soon going to be suddenly snatched out of my life almost as quickly as they were thrust in to it. That really terrifies me.

But time marches on, regardless of whether or not I want it to.

Seeing as this is a daylog, here's a quick rundown of my last day at school:

7:30 am

Small lawnchair party in the parking lot. Quite a few people seem to be stoned. Lots of cereal around, and some various breakfast pastries. Everyone's just hanging out, talking, taking pictures of everyone else.

8:00 am

Go in to school. Quickly grab some breakfast in the commons, then run in to begin my Calculus AP test. What a way to begin a day.

About 10:20 am

While working on some of the free-response questions on the test, I adjust my glasses. This usually routine action somehow results in my glasses breaking. Both lenses are still together, but it's all balancing on my nose and one ear. Not the best situation for test taking. After the section is completed, I tape them back together and carry on.

12:05 pm

Test is finally over. My friend and I walk over to our government class, to try and find out how we did on the previous day's test and whether or not we will be exempt from the final. Unfortunately, our regular teacher is still feeling bad from her latest round of chemotherapy, and the sub doesn't know. Hopefully I'll be able to find out tomorrow.

12:20 pm

The final lunch at high school. Unsurprisingly, every single teacher who doesn't have a class is in the Commons today, to prevent us from having a gigantic food fight. I don't understand why they don't let us have lunch outside, and not worry if we have a food fight. No one's gonna get hurt.

2:53 pm

Prayer comes on over the intercom. For the senior class, our last day of high school has ended. Loud shouts of cheer fill the hallways. Everyone hugs just about everyone else. Everyone talks for a while, then eventually head out; most of us home, some of us to rehearsal for the Senior Talent Show tomorrow.

I'm helping GangsterFeelsGood out for the day by posting the top news headlines from around the world, So without furthur ado:

The Intermational Hearld Tribune (www.iht.com)

ECB, in Surprise, Cuts Rates Amid Dreary Economic Data
The European Central Bank lowered interest rates unexpectedly Thursday amid growing signs of an economic slowdown, cheering politicians and stock markets but leaving economists confused about the abrupt reversal in the bank's hard-line stance.

Berlusconi Challenges the Culture
As Italians prepare to vote Sunday, the question is how Silvio Berlusconi, a decried and problematical figure, could be the candidate who polls say will become prime minister regardless of unresolved conflicts of interest and prosecutions for corruption.

BT, Burdened by Debt, Plans Reorganization
British Telecommunications PLC, in a major reorganization designed to unburden itself of heavy debt, announced Thursday that it would issue new stock to raise $8.4 billion and spin off its wireless division into a separate company.

Germany Questioning Missile Shield
Germany, unconvinced by President George W. Bush's proposals for a missile defense shield, on Thursday posed what an American envoy called "very, very serious questions" over the project.

COMMENTARY Another Soccer Horror - and the Same Questions
Four times now in one month in African stadiums - and also once in Iran - deaths have been the unpardonable consequence of nights out at the soccer match. What is going on? Why is the world's most popular sport killing its followers?

2 Russians Seized as Internet Thieves
In recently unsealed court documents that read like a high-tech spy novel, FBI agents tell how they snagged two alleged computer thieves by creating a shell company and inviting Mr. Ivanov and Mr. Gorshkov to try to hack into it.

BBC Online (www.bbc.co.uk)

Battle over tax and health
Waiting list figures and reports that Labour will pledge not to raise income tax dominate the UK election campaign agenda.

McVeigh execution date in doubt
The FBI hands over boxes of evidence which could delay the execution of Oklahoma bomber Timothy McVeigh.

Moscow joins F1 circuit
F1 boss Bernie Ecclestone confirms that Moscow is to host Grand Prix racing - probably from 2003.

Seven jailed over stowaway deaths
A Dutch court jails seven defendants over the deaths of 58 Chinese illegal migrants, who suffocated in a lorry bound for the UK.

Flight blood clots 'hit one in 10'
Research suggests 10% of long-haul air passengers develop deep vein thrombosis - much higher than previously thought.

The New York Times (www.nytimes.com)

The U.S. Admits Failure to Share Evidence in McVeigh's Trial
The government withheld thousands of pages of interview reports on the Oklahoma City bombing. Timothy J. McVeigh's lawyers said they might seek a delay in his execution.

Congress Adopts Plan to Cut Taxes Over Next Decade
A budget plan close to what President Bush proposed won final Congressional approval, clearing the way for the first big tax cut in 20 years.

American International and American General Near a $23 Billion Merger
In a serious blow to Prudential, which had reached its own agreement to buy American General, American International Group is close to acquiring the insurer.

Swift Approval for a New Kind of Cancer Drug
The anti-cancer drug Gleevec, used mostly for the treatment of leukemia, was approved by the Food and Drug Administration yesterday after a quick, two-and-a-half-month review of clinical data

End of the XFL
The XFL expired on Thursday, a victim of dismal television ratings, subpar play and inflated expectations.

Dylan Keeps A-Changin'
As Bob Dylan turns 60 this month, a new swell of tributes, biographies and reissues pulls us into his latitude.
China Dily (www.chinadaily.com.cn)

Clinton calling for partnership between US and China
Former US president Bill Clinton heralded the benefits of globalisation on a visit to Shanghai Thursday, calling China to be accepted by WTO at an earliest date. He touched on the need for partnership between Beijing and Washington.

Taiwan Official Qian Qichen meets ex-Taiwan `premier'

China Premier on Road
Zhu Rongji starts visit to 5 Asian states today

Japan Wartime History
Koizumi sticks to textbook decision

Missile Defence
China willing to negotiate with US

Capitol Retaliates
Annan urges US to pay UN debt in full

Ghana Stampede
Death toll rises to 123 as soccer turns ugly

Panapress (www.panapress.com)

Prosecutor to complete Ethiopia's genocide trials by 2004
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia - The special prosecutor pursuing officials suspected of committing genocide, crimes against humanity and other atrocities during the 17-year rule of the former regime in Ethiopia, Girma, says the process would be completed within the next three years.

Investigation begins on South African mine tragedy
Cape Town, South Africa - South Africa's Department of Minerals and Energy Friday began its official investigation into last Tuesday's explosion at Beatrix mine at Virginiaon operated by Gold Fields Limited.

South African opposition lashes back at criticism
Cape Town, South Africa - Opposition Democratic Alliance (DA) leader Tony Leon has dismissed as a dishonest attempt to divert blame for South Africa's poor image abroad, claims within government circles that he was 'bad-mouthing' the country overseas.

Kenya moves to protect local textile industry
Nairobi, Kenya - In a move to protect the local textile industry, the authorities in Kenya say they will impose conditions to discourage importers who bring into the country sub-standard goods.

Committee hands down amnesty rulings in South Africa
Cape Town, South Africa - South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) has granted amnesty to four former Vlakplaas policemen, including the country's most notorious apartheid-era policeman Eugene De Kock.

Renamed Senegalese PM to downsize cabinet
Dakar, Senegal - Reappointed Prime Minister Mame Madior Boye has hinted that Senegal's next government would be a ""fairly reduced team with fewer ministers that would include women, politicians and members of the civil society.""

South Africa Airlink acquires Regional Jets
Johannesburg, South Africa - South Africa Airlink has made a deal to buy 30 new ERJ135 Regional Jets from Embraer in Brazil, the first two of which were delivered on Thursday, while further two jets are expected to arrive in August this year.

Obasanjo to battle defects in Nigeria's foreign exchange
Washington, US - President Olusegun Obasanjo has assured the Nigerian community in Washington of his government's resolve to deal with criminal activities and frivolities in the import business that have lately had a run on the local currency, the Naira.

Ban on Lubumbashi stadium lifted
Kinshasa, DR Congo - The Congolese Football Association has lifted the ban it had imposed on Lubumbashi's stadium where seven people died recently during a match involving two popular teams in the Katanga provincial capital.

News of the Weird (www.newsoftheweird.com)

Fraternities at the University of the Philippines and other Filipino campuses stage many of the same activities (such as toga parties) that U.S. "Greeks" do except that some apparently engage in murder and bombings in displays of organizational power, according to a February report in the Far Eastern Economic Review. The prestigious UP has accounted for 11 frat-related homicides (of about 100 nationwide) in the last 10 years, in acts ranging from student executions to gang-type rumbles, and frat brothers now in government and industry allegedly help to shield their organizations from police scrutiny. Far Eastern Economic Review, 2-15-01

In a decision published in February, Canada's Tax Court rejected Newfoundland magician Hans Zahn's attempt to claim business losses on his income tax returns, ruling that Zahn's record of losing money for the last 17 years, plus the province's economy and the nature of its far-flung communities, urge the conclusion that no reasonable person would think Newfoundland could support a magician. Zahn said he once earned about $1,200 (USD) a week but started suffering setbacks; for example, the rabbits he used in his act started dying in the frigid Newfoundland winters. "You try to bring world-class entertainment to the regions," lamented Zahn, "and Revenue Canada (the taxing agency) penalizes you for it." , 3-9-01

Police in Jacksonville, Fla., arrested Robert Eric Denney, 19, for a 1998 murder, and a Florida Times-Union report in March revealed that his DNA is linked to the crime scene. Despite close surveillance, Denney had avoided giving up a DNA sample, three times foiling officers (refusing a glass of water; putting a cigarette butt back in his pocket rather than discarding it; declining to lick-seal an envelope) and smirking that he knew what the officers were trying to do. Shortly after that, while walking around outside his workplace, Denney absentmindedly spit on the ground, and officers scooped up the saliva and rushed it to the lab. [Tampa Tribune-AP, 3-24-01]
Let the countdown begin.

8 days until I'm couching it.

I have everything in boxes, my art crap is all organized, my cat has been doing her morning exercises to prepare for the big day, and I have my storage space and living space all lined up.

But I'm not ready.

How can I be ready? My best friend is moving 2981.3 miles away, and taking the good bread knife with her. How am I going to live without the good bread knife?

I suppose I should not be surprized. The only constant so far in my life is that everything I know and am comfortable with gets smashed to pieces every year or so.

So, the Seven of Swords, the Emporer and the King of Cups all walk into this bar........but you would have figured the second two would have learned a lesson from the first.

Had fourteen hours on my feet and in my head to think about everything that's happened over the last few days. Over the last few months. Over the last coupla years.

I would allow all three of you to play martyr if it were not for the positions you have placed me. I have let it slide and kept my mouth shut in some places and raised hell in others. Go ahead and set me aside if it pleases you. C'mon, it's not that hard.

But let me tell you each something before you go....

To the Emporer-

I love it, our friendship. But you're so dedicated to calling me 'friend', when there was room for something else. So I played along.....you ruffle someone else's hair, I take it as my cue to make myself look busy. Eye in the Sky and all, I wouldn't want you to do anything illegal. So concerned with getting your feelings hurt, you weren't looking when you trampled my toes. I hope we can get beyond this too, I honestly do. But where I didn't set perameters, you apparently did. Bottom line, you don't hide 'friends', no matter their value. Be right, if you like, but this would be the first time I could sincerely call you not fair.

To the King of Cups

I played house with you until some sweet young thang of any description came into view. Yes, I know we're twins, separated by four years and a lot of morals. You chasing skirts, me trying to make sense of the Great Bleak North. Now you call, dozens of times, warning me not to replace you. Replace you? Would one not have to be in this place in order for them to be moved or removed? Survey says yes. Another case of hiding 'friends', but on a much darker level. Don't tell me to just date girls, and easily switch me off for some of your own. Never yours, never what? Goddess forbid you really value now what you took for granted and possibly were even embarassed by to begin with.....

To the Seven of Swords

Poor you, the ultimate martyr. 'Cause see, this is all my fault, right? Everything turning to shit was all my idea, because I'm that twisted a person. Don't step in that puddle of sarcasm on the floor.....you might get stuck.
Words escape me besides the fact that the ties are very severed. It's a light airy laugh or sigh that escapes me when you're brought up in conversation. Forgive me for wanting more than scraps and metric-shit-tons of lies for myself. Occasionally I do have standards, surprise, surprise.
But everything's working itself out. You could have told me you weren't ready, you know. You also could have asked me to beat the shit out of you, I would have readily complied. But those are 'Ifs', 'Buts', and 'I wishes', and they don't amount to a hill of beans. You're in a better place, and I wish you the greatest of luck.
Now, that doesn't sound so crazy, does it?

Built a treefort an a few barricades.....

I don't think I'm any better than any of you. That's not the deal at all. What I am pointing out is, it was a rare occasion whn you saw me on your levels. This is just to let you know I realize you thought you could stick me in boxes for safe keeping, left-overs to consume at a later time......and I got burned by all of you, that I will easily admiit. All's forgiven, but get off your high horses, for crissakes.

But as for boxes......I'm afraid I have other ideas.

I'm currently a little woozy from inhaling the semi-toxic fumes emanating from the cheap charcoal barbecue outside my window one story down. This has become habit for a couple of residents who live in the apartments kitty-cornered to mine, and nearly every night between ten-thirty and eleven I am drawn to my window by the smell of lighter fluid and the flickering patterns of two foot high flames sprayed across the brick of the building. Each night I grow a little light-headed as I suck down lungful after lungful of carbon monoxide and home-style mesquite flavor. I know they don’t realize that the air-currents around the building direct the smoke right into my window, and would probably move it if they knew, but every time it happens I'm too tired to get up and do anything about it. Who the fuck barbecues an hour before midnight, anyway?

Nothing much to report as far as the happenings of my day. Most of the morning and afternoon was gobbled up by paperwork and running around to various piddly meetings that really serve no purpose. After a dinner of horrid salad, I did a bit more paperwork before heading to the pool for a swim. This has quickly become a very enjoyable activity as I get wound a little tighter each time something gets added to the heap of things I need to do. As I was swimming tonight I found myself going a bit faster with each lap, just a bit more with each flip-turn until I was sprinting. I was a competitive swimmer for ten years, and stopped four years ago to concentrate on my studies. As I moved through the water I could feel it coming back to me: the burning in the arms and lungs, the rush of adrenaline, the feel of water leaking into my sinuses. I gradually realized that I was enjoying this. Needless to say I'm horribly out of shape, and was panting when I was finished. Still, it was fun.

So now I'm sitting here, breathing in microscopic bits of charcoal and cow and sweet Texas-style sauce. From my speakers is softly blasting a mix cd Beautiful Girl made me which hasn’t left my stereo since I received it a couple days ago. Among the great songs on this little gem are Wall of Voodoo's Mexican Radio and Bracket's great cover of Tommy Toutone's Jenny, which urges me to endlessly repeat 867-5309 in my sleep each night. Along with the cd I also received a tin of Penguins (glorious little things), a chocolate key lime, and some pictures from our road trip together.

The barbecue people are catcalling and screaming for no particular reason. I'm feeling a little ill even though the air has cleared a bit. A half an hour ago I fell into a snack food cascade reaction and ate handful after handful of wasabi peas, relishing the characteristic burn. These damn things have risen to my very short list of preferred snack foods. They do a number on my stomach, though.

I think it's starting to rain. My head is clearing.

Nothing left but the fish

You are gone, gone.

My world is broken into two parts.
One wants to go with you
on your hitchhike through the Galaxy.
The other is stuck in the dimension
you created here on Earth.

You were the one that changed my Life,
my Universe, Everything.

You have ripped my towel apart,
and I will never be able to mend it.
A part of it is gone with you
on a journey that will never end.
A journey that you started inside your head,
and touched so many people, including me.

But now you are gone on your way,
finding your true meaning of life.
And I’m alone trying to find mine.

The world is filled with copies
of your thought and idea.
Original thinking died
a bit when you started your space trip.

There is nothing left but the fish
that you gave us.
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
I will never forget 42, never.

Thank you Douglas Adams,
thank you.

... And the Great Green Arkleseizure
With a gentle wipe of His Celestial Handkerchief
Recalled our friend Douglas to Him. Âchú.


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