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I have been working on this for a long time. Here is a list of Things I must do before I die:

  1. Go to Japan and get drunk on Saki.
  2. Own a pinball machine
  3. Get a federal grant to have a library built in my home town Fenwick
  4. Pay my bill at the video store down the road
  5. Sell my Iguana (hopefully before it dies)
  6. Make a better peanut butter (if that's possible)
  7. Quit smoking (that's a big one)
  8. Learn to play piano
  9. Finish college and get my master's degree in digital audio recording
  10. Achieve success in the recording industry
  11. Stop drinking kool-aid
  12. Go to a wine tasting party
  13. Take my girlfriend to New York
  14. Go scuba diving
  15. Figure out how to cook a bad ass apple pie
There you have it, I do all of that and I will consider my life complete... for the most part.

Well, it's been awhile since I daylogged anything, and people have been asking me what's been going on, so here goes...

For much of the summer, life sucked. Then I got over it.

In October, I went to Wiccanpiper's nodermeet, where I got to meet Apatrix, LaggedyAnne, Vandewal, and amib. It was absolutely awesome!

In November, I started dating my sweetie. It was exciting and scary - mostly scary (sorry, baby...). I had resolved that I wasn't going to let myself depend on anyone anymore, that I wasn't going to let anyone get close enough to need them anymore, except my kids. So much for that plan...

In December, Social Services finally closed my case, despite all that my ex-husband tried to do.

He picked the kids up December 11th, Friday, at 7 pm. December 12th at 1100 they walked back through my front door, sobbing. My daughter told me that she had had an archery meet that morning, and that Daddy had taken them. They were charged $1.- to get in, and my ex threw a FIT. Apparently it was pretty bad, since her archery coach called me Monday to ask if Rowan was ok. He started yelling that he wasn't gonna pay no buck to watch his daughter shoot archery, packed the kids back in the car, and drove them back to my house, yelling that I use him for cheap day care, that he hates Trigg County and will move as soon as he can, and that he'll probably get deployed soon anyway. He dumped the kids off at the end of the driveway without checking if we were home and drove off. That was the last time he picked the kids up for visitation. He didn't send gifts or cards, or even phone the kids for Christmas. Christmas Eve I had to work, and my babysitter couldn't make it, so my sweetie drove 6 hours through a blizzard to watch the kids. I think he had fun watching my monkeys get all excited over their presents.

In January, we found him a job in Hopkinsville, KY... amazing, since you wouldn't expect to find an IT job here in the boonies rather than in a big city. He moved in with us and started work the end of January.

In March, the monkeys and I went to Florida and did the Disney experience, something I'd been promising them for several years. We had a chance to have lunch with CzarKhan, too - awesome burritos with several different types of hot sauce, ranging from wimpy to atomic. I tried several, and regretted at least one.

In April, his mom came to visit - twice. I really like her, and I think she approved of me. She and Rowan became fast friends, and she's coming back in June.

Also in April, I found out from a friend that my ex-husband has been riding around my neighborhood on his 4-wheeler, telling anyone who'll listen how his horrible ex-wife betrayed him while he was gone in the Army, and how she won't let him see his kids, and how he sits in the woods on his 4-wheeler and watches us through the windows with binoculars... just a little scary. I got an EPO against him, which I have since changed to an agreed restraining order so that he can stay in the military (since with an EPO he wouldn't be allowed to carry a firearm). He has to attend domestic violence classes and get a psychiatric evaluation before having visitation with the kids again.

Right now, I'm interviewing for jobs in West Lafayette, IN, and we're planning on moving there end of June. I've got a friend who works for the Purdue University IT department, and he thinks my sweetie shouldn't have a problem getting hired there.

Things are going so well right now that I'm a little scared. I keep thinking this can't last. He and I complement each other so perfectly that it can't possibly be true. We're planning on going to the July reunion, so we may see some of you there. We'll be the ones acting disgustingly smoochy ;D.

I am officially a HARDASS now! I just recently got told by my doctor than because of a previous medical problem I will never cry again, no matter what happens to me! Funerals...weddings...enter title of intensely sad movie...relationship break-ups...getting punched in the face... I'll just be a hard-ass, and won't shed a tear. No matter how crushed I am on the inside I'll just never cry again. How cool am I going to seem? Ice cold, that's what! So don't none of you guys go messing with me. Maybe I should learn kung-fu now, just so I can kick ass like a proper ninjagirl too?

Though one of the other, more well known, side effects of stroke is that it can cause a survivor to break into intense giggling fits for hours on end. Which, has been immensely fun on a lot of occasions; but sometimes also very inappropriate. Think... funeral, with girl who can't cry, but can burst into uncontrollable laughter at any moment. Well, would you bring me to your grandmother's funeral?

Apparently this inability to cry is one of the little-known side-effects of having a stroke, though no doctor has been able to adequately explain to me how this works. I think some connection in my brain that controls crying has been killed by the stroke, but I have no knowledge of physiology or medicine, if YOU do, answers on a postcard please to Cool Beans.

I've been polishing my stand-up act, because I have decided to become a stand-up comedian. I like the idea of standing up, because I am so good at it; I have had a lot of practice, because I do not own a car, and when I am waiting for the bus I am standing up, and so far no-one has mocked my ability to stand up, no one has harrassed me for that. I would never sit down whilst queuing for the bus, firstly because I do not like to sit down in the presence of other people, and secondly because I would be worried that I would not be the first person to see the bus. I once harassed a man for standing up, but that was not simply because he was standing; it was because he was looking at me. He told me to fuck off, but I could tell that he was nervous. London does that to you. The only way to win is to strike first.

Anyway, I've been working on some jokes. I've been listening to a comedian called Neil Hamburger, who is a concept comedian, in that he pretends to be unfunny - to such an extent that he is not only 'so bad he's good', he's not only 'so bad he's bad', he actually spins around and around with that kind of thing for eternity, because he's so bad he's bad, and funny-bad because he's bad, and deliberately so. Also, I have been listening to an Icelandic band called 'Mum', who are apparently pronounced 'Moum', because they have an accent over the u. You see, just because I disagree with your politics, it doesn't necessarily follow that I have poor taste in music. Mum are not funny at all, indeed they belong to a genre of art which prides itself on being deadly earnest and serious in a way that only teenage boys can be. The album is called 'Finally We Are No One' and the song which takes my fancy is called 'Don't Be Afraid, You Have Just Got Your Eyes Closed', and all their song titles are like that. Stupidly, the first track on the album does not have any drums.

My first joke is this, which is topical; I'm just getting to the first joke. It is topical because Woody Allen is in the news, because he has a film out. And it is also topical because society is nowadays much less squeamish about insulting Jews. The state of Israel has squandered any goodwill it built up during the first three decades after the second world war, and it has nothing much to offer the non-US western powers; there will come a day when the leader of France or Britain or Germany or Spain or Italy or any number of countries, that man or woman will be asked to voice general support for Israel - not for a specific act, but for the state itself - and he or she will hesitate or fudge, or qualify this support, and that will be the beginning of the end for the UN's boldest, earliest and cruellest experiment. A state which was set up to save a race from extermination will become the ashen graveyard of that race, and that is irony. I do not have an opinion either way. I merely report things as I see them through eyes which are clouded by external forces.

The joke is this:

What would you get if you took Woody Allen, and you strapped him to a table, and you forced him to have an orgasm against his will - by rubbing his cock against a pig?

You'd get a "Jew-jaculation".

That's the first joke. I need to write some more before I have an act. Then you will see what we can do.

I sat down to work on my Great Gatsby paper, I’m not even sure you could call it a paper, it’s more like select words that refer to the novel every now and then. Once I sat down I wasn’t sure what to write about, I couldn’t write a conclusion because it wasn’t exactly going anywhere. Instead I figured I would write my journal entry for this week. I wasn’t sure how I would do that either, when I read the thing it seemed like I was to just write of some account. Not sure how well I could do that without in some way degrading myself or making me sound like some type of loser. To resist any urge to preach or moralize about it; how? Is that possible? So I played some solitaire as I thought about how I would go about this.
I’m not procrastinating, I’m just not sure anymore. I don’t know, after looking for a job and not finding one my brain’s function of work has been all imbalanced.
Can I think of a similar moment in my life when I have been incapable or unwilling to do the right thing? Sure, there’s plenty of them, this could be a book. But which one to write about? I only need one account for this. Wait- now. I’m not doing my work. I’m incapable, I’m just not willing. Or am I willing and just not capable? Oh fuck, I’m moralizing aren’t I? I’ll play some more solitaire.

I’ll have to rush two more pages to my paper during the weekend, It‘s unlikely I‘ll get to them today. It wont be good, but it will be five pages. Don’t take this as me taking advantage of the extended time, I appreciate it greatly, I’m just.. maybe I am procrastinating. I play solitaire.
I look back and am hesitant, should delete that last paragraph or keep it there? I decide I’ll keep it there because now I could write about doing something wrong. This makes it much easier. Yes, there is a difference in not doing the right thing from doing the wrong thing. When you don’t do the right thing you could be doing nothing, but when doing the wrong thing you generally believe you’re doing the right thing. You don’t just do something because you know it’s wrong, that makes you incapable, that makes you mentally instable. It’s okay to do something only to regret it later, much better than not doing anything at all. Wouldn’t that be the worst thing, not doing anything?
But while you’re in the process of doing something and you realize then that you’re doing it horribly wrong do you stop? No. First off, because if anyone else is around, they may not know you are doing it wrong, and assume you know what you are doing. The second reason is because I need to hand something in. I’m not just going to hand in a blank piece of paper (or nothing at all). That would result in my grade plummeting, these journal entry things add up.
I begin to pull on my nipple ring; which has become a recreational activity for myself. The music stops so I put on some more. I consider this finished and play some more games of solitaire.

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