Good news - I can't remember when I last posted or what I wrote, but I am about to receive a job offer, it's just that as yet me and the man who is offering me the position have been unable to connect. First I want to discuss the interview. I think I wrote about sitting on the floor while nearly nude, thankfully that didn't come up in conversation during my session. He's a medium-tall man with olive toned skin that probably tans well. His hair is light and his eyes are blue. He's not bad looking, but not my type if that makes sense. Since he's an insurance agent he had the <redacted> logo on his dark blue shirt that had a lighter blue criscross pattern. He paired that with chinos and a pair of casual shoes. I was offered both water and coffee, refused each, and went into his office after admiring the floor.

It was like no interview I have been on before, without all the typical BS like - tell me about a time where you leapt over tall buildings in a single bound while preventing the 911 crash and going back in time to prevent the birth of Adolph Hitler. I felt like he wanted to know me as a person, we both rambled, but somehow that was okay and I felt as if we were communicating things that weren't being said, almost as if we had a code we had never discusssed, but immediately adopted upon meeting each other in person. The outfit I wore, black cardigan with a black and white striped shirt on top of black dress pants went with his office decor so I I matched his surroundings better than he did which was kind of funny, as if I had called ahead and asked what would go well with his gray walls and red throw pillows.

A former chiropractor of mine used to say things that most people would consider inappropriate, but he knew he could get away with them around me and I appreciated his refreshing honesty. This guy was like that too, even going so far as to drop a; 'this one time at band camp' reference which I caught, but decided not to acknowledge unless shock registered on my face without me knowing it. I love people who really listen and he did. I couldn't see any sign of my resume, but from our phone conversation I knew he had read it fairly carefully. There was a lot of back and forth, as if we were two people having a catch up conversation rather than potential boss and employee. He's very breezy and direct, kind of a diva, and mostly unapologetic about that fact.

After talking to me for a while he asked if I wanted to meet with his other employees and I agreed since I had arrived early. My phone rang while I was in his office, I practically live with my phone glued to my hand, but rarely receive calls, it was from my oldest and he said I could take it since I told him she almost never calls. She was asking to go to a movie with a friend, I was relieved by the fact that there was no immediate crisis and tried not to be annoyed/embarrassed by the fact that this had interrupted the conversation, but he had told me to go ahead and take it so that made me feel better. He told me he was very empathetic with people and from the way he was treating me, I believed him.

Both of the other people I met gave me good vibes. The woman is a cancer survivor and I felt better about knowing she had a job because of him. The man was younger, he has a sports medicine/physical therapy? degree, he was pretty quiet, intense, and reminded me of a version of a man I had worked with long ago that worked hard and kept to himself other than the time a friend of his died and he came in with a tear ravaged face. When you work in certain fields you are subjected to a lot of scrutiny. I knew all of my jobs would come up on a background check of the type that they performed so I took the plunge and admitted that I had been through a revolving door situation as far as employment had gone in 2018.

Normally I wouldn't have been that candid, but if you know something is going to come up anyways, it's best to just bite the bullet in my opinion. I was fairly sure I would get the job, and it sounds as if I will provided he gets satisfactory answers to whatever questions he has for me. I told him about my so called friend and that drama, he didn't seem to care and was basically like, wtf is wrong with this woman and a company that fires you for calling 911 after someone shares a suicide plan. I held my bag of dirty laundry high and dumped it on his desk leaving him to sort through the soiled segments of my past. He could have dug deeper, but didn't. We were both very candid with each other, he admitted some not so sexy things about himself and I liked that about him as well. 

And now it's time for some personality theory (I know you have all been waiting for this...). When I was first married we had a neighbor who dabbled in photography on the side. This guy looks and acts like him to an uncanny extent which was strange for me. There were things I didn't like about this neighbor, he cheated on his pregnant wife for one, but this guy doesn't seem to have that side which is not to say it couldn't happen. He asked if I liked dogs and told me about a former employee who didn't that was a poor fit and out within a week. He didn't have to tell me that and I felt it created a bond between us. He was letting me know he wasn't afraid to get rid of people who weren't working and that made me feel good since a lot of companies hang onto bad employees.

This morning was rough. I had chocolate and lemonade for breakfast and my day was affected as a shocking result of this caffeine and sugar combination. My daughter overslept and I let that get to me. On a more positive note I finished The Exhaustion Cure and am onto Breathing by Dr. Andrew Weil. I had a book of his, Eight Weeks to Optimum Health or something like that and I may go back and check into that again now that I know what I do. At the time I was unimpressed, but perhaps I wasn't ready for it at the time and I'm big enough to admit that sometimes I need to go back to things I passed on previously. Even if you are extremely skeptical of alternative or integrative medicine I would encourage you to check this out.

My therapist sent me a text this morning and I really needed that even though I didn't end up going in to see her. The other day I sold some pool menus and now the lady I sold them to is pissed because they aren't what she thought she was getting. I'm mad because I felt like I didn't have the training I needed to avoid this type of a situation, now I'm going to walk into that at work tomorrow and not looking forward to it, but it's good fuel for my discussion about another job offer. What I would like to do is see if I can work two part time jobs rather than one full time one. I love finance. While I doubt many people view it as a creative endeavor, it's creative problem solving and I eat that up in a big way.

Finance is a tough field to break into and make it in, it takes an insane amount of effort and perseverance, to the point where I'm questioning why I even applied for this job in the first place because I receive numerous offers like this on a monthly basis and know that almost any agency would at least interview me if I bothered checking into their positions. I know the industry and that alone is worth thousands, and possibly even hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars. Before you line up at my door to buy insurance and other financial products, I'll have to get the licenses I once had back again along with some new ones. Presumably the company will pay for training, but I'm going to ask because they are great at separating people and their money.

So what makes me think that I can do this job? The job is easy (for me), it's getting the people that's the hard part and that's where the job I have now plays a role. I'm getting better and I have to be practical. I'm a single mom and not independently wealthy. I need steady, stable, reliable income. The job I have is relatively close to home, my boss and her husband leave me alone. I'm pretty sure she is ENTJ and I'm almost positive that he is INTJ. I don't get a lot of emotional support (like none) from them, but they pay me pretty well and leave me alone with the assumption that I'm doing my job well and will let them know if I need anything. Today my boss called me Missy. Sometimes that bothers me, but I think it was a type of endearment coming from her and was not annoyed.

She asked me to follow up on a proposal that hadn't gone through so I did. I'm not sure how this works as far as jobs and commissions go, but they don't sweat the small stuff (usually) and I try not to at work either. That's been interesting for me. My boss is a leader and an executive so I'm trying to learn as much as I can from her which is difficult. Emotions don't make sense to her, or him probably, so I try to keep mine under control at work. I was excessively chatty today, undoubtedly due to my poor breakfast choices so I want to make sure I don't do that again. I deserve better and perform in accordance with my standards when I have adequate amounts of protein inside of me to start my day.

And now here's something we hope you really like... All of the stocks I held at other companies were transferred over to my brokerage account. This makes me deliriously happy, like I can't even describe what a power surge it gave me to see those ticker symbols. I made sure that the dividends are being reinvested, and that feeling is one of the reasons I want to get back into finance. I want everyone to have the glorious feeling of knowing that if something bad happened, they could tap into the cash they had saved precisely for that purpose. I booked a massage for my friend, opened a credit card bill that I wasn't expecting. Somehow I spent almost $200 on clothes, but whatever. I'm happy with those purchases and probably need to make more.

After going to the chiropractor today I went to the thrift store to see if I could find some wooden bracket shelving for my hall. On the way there I told my oldest that I really wanted an ironing board. In a book I'm writing, or have written, I have a character, or two, that loves to iron. I found a vintage wooden ironing board for $19.99 and bought it the second I saw it. I also found a Samsonite overnight bag and picked that up for under $7 because I am tired of begging and borrowing suitcases when I want to travel. My youngest said a backpack would suffice, however I rolled my eyes at her and went ahead with the purchase because I am the mom and I said so.

Speaking of my book, I am making progress of a distracted and compulsive sort. It helps me to write so I sit down and do that to smooth the turbulent waters of my soul. 80s Eurodisco is still playing on my computer and it makes me happy to hear those same songs over and over and over again. My children probably want to do bodily harm to me, but I keep them going. My bathroom is taking shape, my finances are getting less unruly, I have identified Pilates as a drug of choice when I do exercise, I've been avoiding it lately along with the dishes. My clothes is all over the place because I was trying to 'get organized' and worked myself into a delirious frenzy and then abandoned the project when I became extremely overwhelmed.

The pink Birkenstock sandals arrived and the are the wrong size. I am angry about this, irrationally so, which doesn't help the situation any. I hate returning things and I told the guy so when I placed the order. This is one of the reasons I am so leery about ordering things online in the first place and his cavalier dismissal of my apprehension is fueling my rage, perhaps it's how the lady who ordered the pool menus feels. She was in a rush and now she's unhappy with the results just like I am. Lesson learned, probably for both of us, and I really hope that this doesn't damage my relationship with her. One thing that annoys me is how the company I work for doesn't want us to use brand names, this is directly related to poor training in my opinion. 

The lady signed off on the quote, but I also feel as if I may have inadvertantly misled her due to my lack of knowledge. I despise quoting print precisely because of this type of situation. Everyone else has extensive knowledge, but is reluctant to share it with me and I will never be able to compete with anyone who has 30+ years of experience in the print and design fields. I think I'm pretty good when it comes to the other side of the business which is the covers and getting the most bang for people's buck while keeping them happy there. Today I receieved a design that is simply stunning. I love seeing what other people come up with and I excel at getting the visions out of other people's heads, or at least I like to think that I do, this pool menu thing is not my gig and I can't be too hard on myself.

The girls are going to run to the store for me. I'm on edge, I'm cycling through one emotion after another, joy, fear, terror, excitement, dread, anxiety, elation, I did not sleep well last night and I will probably have to force myself to go to bed early tonight to try and make sure I have a better day tomorrow. Little by little, step by step, I feel as if my life is shaping up even though I have a long ways to go. I'm getting there. The money thing was huge. I had no idea it would come together and make me feel like that. I can help others and I know this job may not work, but this feels like a calling and a way for use to my gifts and talents to give others the things I didn't have previously so their lives will be brighter and better. 

I could write forever today, but I have other things to do, so this is goodbye for now.

Xoxo,

J

P.S. I really need to go painting. I think that will help me relax and feel like a treat for my hard work.

j

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