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May 8, 2000 | May 9, 2000 | May 10, 2000

Everything Statistics

           Statistics on day 0      -1     cur  l-ca  c-ca increase 
Total Number of Nodes:  501178  499547   1631   1313  1472
Total Number of Users:   14245   14204     41     24    33
Total Number of Links: 1350487 1335671   14816 15173 14995
Current node_id:        536704  534951    1753  1400  1577

Everything's Best Users

User         XP on day 0   -1  cur l-ca c-ca increase
Pseudo_Intellectual 9833 9736   97 120 109
jessicapierce       9533 9485   48 131  90
dem bones           9452 9432   20  70  45
pukesick            6779 6666  113 126 120
Saige               6108 5993  115  54  85

Server time: 00:41 Tue May 9 2000 
Your fellow noders (25) 

cur = current, l-ca = last cumulative average, c-ca = current cumulative average

Still Waiting for Everything Snapshot.

To node ... Malaysia, Magazine, Jaring Internet Magazine, The Web Malaysia, PC World, Majalah PC, PC.COM, Computer Shoppers Malaysia

13:05 EET

I spent most of the morning in the bank. Had to open a new account, get a WWW-service license and an ATM card. It took a while, but at least I got everything I needed.

Arrived to the workplace at 12:00. The elevator is finally out of order! I've been expecting this since I almost got stuck between two floors a while ago. The downside is that now we have to walk the stairs. Intolerable! No self-respecting lazy worker in the IT area would go up a bunch of stairs voluntarily! ;)

Things don't look that busy here. At the moment there are only two other people present, and one of them arrived only minutes before myself. Some of the others are having a meeting with some client, others are... well, nowhere to be seen. "Life in the slow lane, as it should be."

Now excuse me while I go and throw the radio out of the office window. I am sick of hearing that Red-Hot Chili Peppers song they're playing all the time.
Slipped into five-digit XP territory a couple of minutes ago.

I should really celebrate by catching a couple of winks.

But first, I'm going to go check the sunrise. 8)

(What frightens me is that my XP count occupies only one half of the table width in Everything's Best Users... on what basis were provisions made to accomodate an XP count of a billion? Sure, nate and dbrown have hardcoded themselves the extents of the XP system at present to the tune of a million, which is scary enough on its own, only not quite scary enough to be completely out of the realm of the possible...)

in our last episode... | p_i-logs | and then, all of a sudden...

0800 CDT: I woke up to the phone ringing; my roomate's (he's Ender02 if anyone cares) family is already here to pick him up. He's in the process of moving his shit out of the room now. That means no more refrigerator, no more TV, and no more playstation. On the bright side, I still have the microwave, so my tea habit will be OK.

0842 CDT: Log into everything, find out I have enough XP for level 4, but 70-odd more write ups. Oh well, I'll have DSL when I go home, so my noding can continue.

0904 CDT: I really should be cramming for that calculus 2 final I have in an hour, but I think I know all that I'm going to learn.

1428 CDT: Finished with the evil finals from the pits of hell. My electrical engineering final was truly horrid, since I STILL can't do 2's compliment subtraction. Oh well, I think I passed everything.

Now, it's time to pack all my worldly belongings into the back of the van and head back to civilization. (or maybe I'll just go out, get trashed, and pack everything up in the morning)

1 cup coffee with cream
2 brownies
1 bottle sunny delight

i feel good today, it's another gorgeous day outside. i love the warm weather. having grown up in the philippines i really miss the hot and humid weather of the winter months and the non-stop torrential rains of the summer months. i also miss the jungle, but there's not any real reasonable fascimile anywhere near washington, dc.

i MUST get my tax situation taken care of soon. i filed, but i filed wrong. all the stuff pertaining to stock is quite confusing. i need to file an ammended return, but i need someone to help me with it.

last night was a rough night for me. i still have issues i need to take care of pertaining to food and eating. i still think all wrong. i'm tired. i didn't get much sleep, but because it's so nice outside i can't help but be in a good mood. i am going to go to practice tonight, then i think i will come home and finish my new self-portrait and maybe go for a bike ride.

i was thinking about heading to my mothers house this weekend, but i don't think i'm up for the drive. i want to see my mom, and i'd love to get away but... we'll see how i feel later on in the week. i love being outside, and it's glorious where she lives. the trees, the country air, the mountains. i also would be able to go swimming in the pond, and i've been dying to go swimming outside lately, but no outdoor pools will open until memorial day.

it's amazing how much more stuff i want to do lately. i don't know if it's because i'm in better physical shape than i have been for a while or if i'm finally figuring out what it is that I enjoy doing with my time. either way, yay me! i want to bask in the sun, go swimming, go rock climbing, go canoeing.
Got up early and had a work out, my ear is still bothering me. Had breakfast with hubby and he's off to the dentist this morning to get a crown. Finally got the other car back so no more getting up at 4 am to drive him to work.
Number Two Son brought home honors for having the highest grades in his English class, he also tells us that his artwork will be on display this summer at the art museum. He's done well in school this year and I am proud of him!

novalis continues to criticize the How to slash your wrist node I wrote.It is not a political, nor religious issue and I am wondering if this an inherent attempt to censor me. The node will stay as is despite the circular arguments. I guess all those years teaching English I still can't construct a good sentence.
I refuse to comment further.

I'm off to send some e-mail to a friend I've been promising myself I'd do. This is a new attempt for me in computer literacy, wish me luck!

Problems and Solutions

Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
- Proverbs 18:21 (NRSV)

Help me always to use the gift of speech in blessing and encouraging others. Lead me to speak words of hope into each days circumstances, to dispel doubt and despair.


Wow, I'm so anxious, I've forgotten my headache. I'm sitting in the computing center of the chemistry building, waiting to talk to a prof who maybe will let me work in his lab in September when I stage yet another comeback to the academic world. What my hard knocks have taught me is not to get too hung up on the subject of the research. Shocking but true: most undergrads in the sciences have no idea what they want to be researching! Instead, I should focus on finding a prof who I can get along with. Preferrably two, for those recommendations. Instead, like an idiot I spent most of my acedemic career beating my head against various brick walls. Maybe not this time, though. I will kiss up to profs who like me in the first place. I will work in a lab that wants me working there. I will not work, I will live off my savings and devote all my attention to getting into grad school. I will not let the absurdity of an acutal grad school accepting my pathetic sorry ass discourage me from trying. This long, scary process begins today, right here. Whenever I start thinking defeatist thoughts, I'll sit down, take a deep breath, and separate the valid concerns from the paranoia. I will come up with a plan of action for the valid concerns, and I will make fun of the paranoia in front of my friends until it stops looming. Someday, I will be a scientist. I will discover wonderful things that will help my beloved species and make all of you proud of me. Have a nice day.

People are not meant to rise before 4:00 am.
Let me just tell you, finishing up standard household chores at midnight and climbing from my warm bed at 3:40 am is, at best, unnatural. Four in the morning is the natural dividing line between late night and early morning. Waking up before 4:00 feels wrong. Go ahead, try it. The act seems to create a feeling of unease, as if one had stepped out of ordinary time and into a time in-between.
They call it liberty becasue they can take it away from me
Liberty expired at 5:00 am, and the ship sailed at 8:00 am. Of course, stuff was found broken almost immediately, and I didn't get my second cup of coffee until 7:30. Not an auspicious way begin the underway period.
I miss the kids already.
Even though the girls were irritating and the boy was cranky and slept like he was tortured by demons, I still wish I could be home tonight. I like hearing his voice at night, and I like reading to the girls before they sleep. We're almost done with Ramona Quimby, Age 8.
Oh yeah, well I've got a bed where I work!
And I'm not afraid to use it. I took time out from a rapidly deteriorating day to take a big ole nap from around 9:00 until 11:30. Very nice, If you have the means, I highly recommend it.
Some days are better than others
This day was not. Caught two guys sleeping on watch. They didn't wait until they were done, like I did. Laid out on the floor, snooring, dead-ass-asleep. I walked in the switchboard, walked around them, and left without either of them even twitching.

Then, more things break. Lots more things break. We fix some of them.

Life appears to get better, but it turns out bad things were simply happening without my knowledge.

Major lube oil leak, major lube oil leak!!
Words that engineers don't like. Lube oil, although not overly flammable like gasoline or naptha, will still start quite a fierce fire. Engineers, and sailors in general, don't like fire, especially Class B Fires.

So, today we had two major lube oil leaks and one fuel oil leak, along with all the other fun minor casualties.

Tomorrow is either going to be much better, or I won't be able to node for a while, because I'll be on fire.
Work, oddly, wasn't as annoying as usual today. I was shot around to every job in the department. Hrm.

Around now, it's a Tornado Watch in the area. To the southeast, a Tornado Warning. To the south, a Thunderstorm Warning. *SIGH* 113 days of uptime on the Linux box... I might have to start over with a UPS this time...

Summerteeth is in the tape deck on my way home, and I am again reminded why I love seeing this band live. It's for all the minute details you can visualize when you're driving, those scenes from a show, a little flickering of a movie being projected in your head. The small instruments you can hold in your hand. Tambourine. Maracas. Harmonica. The crash of horns draping Jeff Tweedy like a golden cape. The creak of his voice, as though he knows its broke and doesn't care to fix it. And the lilt of the pipe organ, sauntering in like a striptease that started fifteen minutes late.

I remember a my friend Zack, standing by an old wooden ladder propped in a corner that was draped in purple Christmas tree lights by his wife, a ladder used to hold his CD's. Via Chicago was playing, and he was stopping some debate spinning out in the living room so I would listen. His hands played air guitar. You hear that, he asked, white elbows lifting and falling. The song had just come crashing around itself in a fit of disorder. An electric guitar chimed in and quivered, then pranced in and out of focus. Here it comes, he said. Then the drum beat brought everything back into order. Listen to how it all came back together.

It was like that watching Wilco on stage. They looked at one another in the face between songs, between swigs of beer and cigarettes, between each stomp of applause. They laughed with one another like a gang out for football night at a bar, reeling from hijinks near the pool table.

My first show was right after Mermaid Avenue had come out, when Wilco was playing someone else's songs. Slow songs, sad songs, nonsense songs for children like Hoodoo Voodoo. Me and my little gang were bounding up and down in place, mouthing the words with full-blown mania, as though my annunciating with our open mouths that we were a part of the song. Tweedy crooned his second encore, his navy blue dress shirt glued to his torso with sweat.

I've loved so many people
Everywhere I went
Some too much, others not enough
So when you think of me, if and when you do
Just say, "Well another man's done gone."

We came back to Zack and Angie's place, loosed lipped and smiling like drunk pigs. We crashed on scattered futons and whispered like a sleepover. The following morning I was convinced to call in sick so we could be there when Thrift City opened up for it's monthly 3rd Thursday half-off sale. It was odd to be walking the streets in daylight on a weekday, rattled with slight sleep and wide eyed. It was almost like being alive.

A year and more later, I was storing two tickets to see Wilco at the Howlin' Wolf in my jewelry box a month in advance. And I had a date. It was hot in there, and April, and this time, Zack and Angie were there but weren't talking to me. We peered over the crowd that was crammed against the railing on the second floor, trying to see the opening band. We crunched on ice, trying to steer from the cigarette smoke and baudy flirtation that was ensuing around us between a short girl who was perched against a column and a tallish hippie from Arizona.

All the items in my pockets are already pressing themselves into my warm skin. His brow is lit up with sweat, and it wasn't yet 11. We escape and walk to block to return his unneeded second layer of shirt to my Festiva. We watch sound check for an eternity, the pudgy, pasty men lurching around grabbing cords and instruments with feigned urgency. Tap, jostle, tug, slap, duct tape it down. Guitars like shrapnel. And they appear.

I couldn't tell you what they played, but it sounded like the entire Summerteeth album, give or take some gems from A.M. and Being There. There was a jockeying for the john, the line of women all in tight half slip skirts, slide shoes, superfluous purses, and tight shirts in an array of tropical pinks and blues. There were 2 encores, and we were on the floor by the bar. A couple nearby was having about as much fun as we were, their smiles genuine and unrelenting through the haze of smoke, the cloud of cologne. I caught slips of Tweedy's sullen sneer through heads, and it was enough. The slip of a bassist hopping around like a string bean, the dreadlocked guitarist in a dress jacket, swinging from side to side.

Brush my hair. Kissle me some more.

Every song was an anthem, a celebration. Any slow song caught in between was there to let you pause for a moment in a moment that would not really ever stop. Our cheerleaders were pale faced with small beer guts and halfway grins; they fed off of us without really even seeing us, and we fed off their fusion. We were all young in the floodlights, stripped penniless in the crescendo of feedback and cymbals, settling to the ground like confetti. Even after they stopped and walked off the third and final time, the rest of us were still recuperating from our sway, our feet falling heavy to the floor. His hand around my waist held me like a cello that had exhaled a triumphant final note. If there had been a curtain, it would have been ripped apart while it was dropped.

Slowly, we ambled through the door and out into the sodium lights, our ears craning for the new silence of our little voices, newly found. We eased into our seats and crept back into walls and doors.

And again, I felt very much alive.

Just some various things kicking around in my head right now...

Been under a fair ammount of stress lately. Several weeks ago my husband and I were presented with what was then going to be a turn-key business takeover. We now find that this is actually more of a bail-out for the current owners. Rough estimate is that we'd need to secure a loan for at least $50K. And we have yet to see their pro-forma statements, tax records or any actual financial data. Screw that! They can find another sucker. Why in hell should we pay off their debts and incur interest in doing so?

Anyway, we've been pondering another opportunity. My mother-in-law is getting remarried in a few months and will be moving out of state. She wants us to take her house. It's a nice place- 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, finished porch/workshop, utility room, new carpeting and appliances and a swimming pool. Perfect for a growing family. Best of all, it's in a pleasant residential neighborhood, but zoned commercial! Can you say "home-based business"? I knew you could! She needs our answer by Tuesday...

I've forgotten just how strange early pregnancy is... mood swings, food cravings and aversions, morning sickness... It's tough even trying to watch Iron Chef lately. Even old-fashioned vector graphic games make me want to hurl! Thank goodness this phase shouldn't last too long. But the intensity and frequency makes me wonder if I may be carrying more than one child. I hear that carrying twins or more can make first trimester symptoms more pronounced. Time will tell, huh? ;oD
...was my 31st birthday. It was my first day in a month not working with very sick MICU patients.

No nurses.
No grieving families.

Nothing but films.

Then dinner at Deep Blue with A.

And sleep, blessed sleep.

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