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So I went out and saw "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" tonight. With a friend. Who I used to have a small kinda crush on. And she's recently gotten out of a weird relationship. And I think she's been nursing a sorta-like crush on me, even before her latest/last relationship began. She called me last night when I was on a date with my current crush-chic. Today I called her back and accepted her invitation to see the movie, a movie she'd seen before, with her ex who didn't "get it", but thought that I'd really enjoy. The only thing I knew about the movie is that Jim Carrey was in it. I'm glad that was all I knew.

What a surprise! A surprise that I accepted her invitation. A surprise that the movie was so damn good. A surprise that I felt un-self-conscious enough around her afterwards to discuss the story I'm writing which is kicking a 2-year streak of writer's block in the gonads. A surprise that she was able to pick the perfect movie for me while still knowing so little about me. A surprise that I am impressed by such a small thing. A surprise that my crush on her has returned unexpectedly and without warning.

She will call tomorrow and we will meet for coffee. We've met for coffee before, tons of times, but before it was never a coordinated thing, just sorta happened that we were in the same place, at the same time, with the same people, drinking the same things and liking the same topics of conversation. Tommorrow we will have a movie between us. And lots of conversations.

I don't know what to do. This is new to me. I am playing it by ear, which is unlike me. I am a planner and a creature of habit. Am I excited, nervous or stupid?

Looking back on the past year I have spent in Israel, I realized that something my boyfriend told me was true. I have changed. I am far more confident in myself and in my own abilities than I was a year ago. I know that I can do just about any damn thing I put my mind to doing. I know that my successes and failures must be measured by me, and no one else. And I know that I am loved, truly, deeply, and thoroughly by a wonderful man who is kind, giving, sweet, and simply very special (and who also happens to be damn good in bed!).

For the last 4.9 years I have traditionally shared my Mother's Day with my friends here on E2. Since I started doing this I've learned that it focuses me on the best parts of how my family loves me and makes for warm and wonderful memories, because when people ask me how was my Mother's Day, there they are ready to be remembered and spoken out loud. Today I woke up to a dozen lilac roses from my son and a card that reads:
    From your son, Mom
      Mother’s Day--
      is about feelings
      that really
      It’s about
      for things
      that were done
      and thankfulness
      for lessons that were taught.
      Mother’s Day—it’s all about love.

      Thanks Mom,
      for doing all you could
      to make a good life for me.
      Thanks for encouraging me
      to do my best
      and try my hardest,
      for making sure I know
      how much you loved me,
      for being someone
      I’ll always look up to.
      And especially, Mom,
      Thanks for being someone
      I’ll always love, Happy Mother’s Day

I hope that you have a wonderful Mothers Day this year, I wish I could spend it with you but Outback is evil. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart & I always will.
Number One Son

(Mothers-- teach your sons how to give a girl flowers. That means going to the florist and showing him the flowers. Explain to him what each flower means so he will know what he's telling her. Tell him that other girls will see this and adore him for it.)

Here is the card from my hubby

    A Keepsake Bookmark
    My Wife
    With Love
    On Mother’s Day

    One of the
    sweetest parts
    of love
    the remembrance
    of things

    Mother’s Day
    brings back
    happy memories
    of our family’s years together--
    and even though
    our life hasn’t always
    been easy,
    I’m glad for all
    that we’ve shared,
    and for the very special love
    between us.

    Happy Mother’s Day

    All my love!!!

(Mothers-- tell the fathers of your children what you would like most for Mother’s Day. They just are not powerful enough to read our minds. Tell him where he can go to buy it and how you would use it to make your life more joyful. Tell him that other couples will see him doing this and admire him for it.)
Here is the card I got from Number Two Son
    you drove me
    to practice
    and school.

    You drove me
    to friends houses.
    You drove me
    to the mall…

    And I drove you crazy!
    (Does that make us even?)

    Happy Mother’s Day
    and thanks for everything!

    Thank you for all the many things that you do for me. I love you so much that it is impossible for a card to say.

    Number Two Son.

ahahaha! It’s been two years since we began driving lessons. It’s been a slow process and his reluctance is understandable with heavy traffic, roads that are not built to meet the needs of the great number of cars on the road that leads to road rage, drive by shootings and people on the phone! So patience has been the key.

Woo hoo! They bought me an Olympus Stylus 300 Digital camera with 128 MB of memory. It can upload images into the PC, display them on the TV and make videos.

Mother’s Day is bittersweet because I am estranged from my mother for reasons I will not go into other that to tell you that several say it was lucky to have escaped. It is enough to explain that anger; fear and guilt are a part of my emotions. And that’s okay.

My best friend lost her mother three years ago and last year was very rough on her. She ran away and drove around for quite some time. Her family was deeply worried. She finally ended up at her mother’s gravesite sobbing bitterly. She wanted to be with her mother so much she said she felt like digging up her grave. Then a man, a stranger, came by and gave her a flower without a word. It was like it was from her mom. She showed up at my door with the flower in hand and after she called her family to let them know she was okay, we talked for a while.

I didn’t tell her how jealous I was.

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
-James 4:8 (NRSV)


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